Art Decisions

Tomorrow night, the thing we have talked of and dreamed of for semesters will finally happen.
Tomorrow night, the girls in our homegroup will have a craft night.

This is monumental! This is huge!  When it comes to the creative arts, the collective frustration among us girls  has been that there is no time to pursue them.
"I used to make stuff like that," one of us will say, and the rest of us chime in: "Oh I know!" "I have a whole bag of that in my closet/junk drawer..."
And then we would look at each other longingly, knowing that all of us wanted the same thing.

But now, we are siezing the moment! We are closing our laptops, laying aside our class notes, resolutely saying no to the call and pull of other responsibilities.  Here, on this craft table we are taking a stand for the cultivation of our hearts. Because there is something deep in all of us that must create--or die.

And now, I have a new dilemma.  Which of my pinterest dreams to make a reality?

Unique jewelry rack

I love the combination of ink and watercolor!  Maybe a different subject...

Art from rolled up strips of magazine paper

Could do with paint or the rolled paper from previous picture

painted plaster finials from Home Depot could make cute wall art

Leave your votes! I retain the right to reject all opinions in the final hour of decision. :)

Hopefulness

I’m wrestling with the idea of hopefulness right now.  Its definition is shifting in my mind, squeezed out of its usual place by the unusual  pressures aimed at me from within and without.

What is its usual place, you ask? Well, think of the word “hopeful”.  What comes to mind?  If you’re like me, you think of up-tilted chins sporting confident smiles.  You think of bright colors and optimistic decisions to “assume the best” of people and situations.  You think of a row of shiny glasses of water—all half full.  Hopefulness means positivity, sunshine, and dogged cheerfulness despite all odds. Right?

But at the moment, the odds are stacked higher than I’ve ever seen them.  I feel enormous pressure to perform to standards both real and imagined, but I consistently fall short of the mark. You know those days when you’ve been crying so hard that positivity and cheerfulness feel like salt rubbed in a wound?  Yeah.

I’m a self-sufficient gal…and it’s not a good thing. I’ve tried pulling myself up by my bootstraps so many times that my boots lost their straps. Sometimes I glued the straps back on and kept walking despite the blisters. But now the blisters hurt too badly. And I’m tired.

In the past, I hoped for better performance. I hoped that I could become stronger, run faster, do better, and that somehow I would attain perfection. Here, at the end of my strength and endurance, I admit that I can’t conjure up change—or hopefulness!—for myself even if I scraped the bottom of those boots. Now, I know that I just contradicted every Disney slogan I ever heard as a kid, but it’s reality.

Hope must be based on reality. 

This is where I CHOOSE to believe a different definition of hope. My emotions, as real as they are to me, are slippery and unreliable. My abilities, as great as I sometimes think they are, are NOT enough. Reality must be found in a reliable Person, one who never lies, never gets tired, and never runs out. Only God fits that bill. Here is what He says about the hope I have:

“No one who hopes in you [God] will ever be put to shame” (Psalm 25:3)

"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)


"And the God of all grace...after you have suffered for a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." (1 Peter 5:10)

On my own, suffering produces blisters and exhaustion. But when I anchor my hopes on the truths God tells me, the same suffering produces a bouquet of good things, crowned by hope that will not put me to shame.

Running (ok, blogging) to get the prize

Confession time: my motives in writing this blog post  are slightly self-serving.  I'm shamelessly trying to win a set of books that another blogger is giving away: http://gatheringpeeps.typepad.com/gathering_peeps/

The reason that my motives are only slightly selfish is...well, look at the titles !>>>>>

Whenever I dream about the trajectory of my heart as I pursue Christ, one of the things I pray for is to be "mission minded"--that the overarching bent of everything I do would point to Jesus and be for Him.

The dream gets even sweeter when hubby is part of the picture.  The two of us, united in the Purpose that supercedes any dream that we could have for ourselves alone.

But if we are successful in raising kids with this purpose and desire?  Wow. That would be the cherry-on-top of all these dreamy dreams.

But I need practicals.  Even if I don't win this book set, I think I'll add it to my list of books to buy.



A long post about a long Valentine's Day

Valentines Day was a glorious mix of the horrible and the absolutely wonderful. In the end, the blend of the two left me exhausted, but so thankful for the love of God, my friends, and my wonderful husband.

It started badly, long before daylight.  I was writing a paper, and somehow a 3-page assignment morphed into an 8-page monstrocity of over-achievement. (Mom, I know you're reading this and thinking "oh, no, not again...")

Three AM found me finally stumbling into bed, only to jerk awake to my 6:30 alarm so I could finish preparing for a presentation. Blech. It was one of those unfortunate circumstances where too many assignments fell on a too-busy weekend (which can be fatal when paired with my tendency to be too-conscientious.) 

Then the day got sweeter. I came out to the kitchen and found JC (aka Hubby) peeking around a mini-forest of long-stemmed red roses that towered over his bowl of cereal and some chocolate-covered strawberries. Awww!

(Just in case you were wondering if I did anything Valentine-y for him, a friend of ours delivered a "singing valentine", along with some chocolate and a letter, at his work during the afternoon.)

Classes also went well.  I'm one of those weird people whom God has blessed with an over-abundance of adrenaline in the morning hours, so until the inevitable afternoon crash, I was pretty energetic.

During my English presentation I discovered--once again--that I love teaching things to people. Where on earth did this come from? It was a group presentation about a really thought-provoking play called A Raisin in The Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry.  (Here is a link to the trailer for the 2008 movie version)

Before class, I still hadn't heard back from my two presentation teammates, but thankfully both showed up early to class. I was relieved, but my heart flopped over when one of my teammates pulled me aside and asked "What am I supposed to say again?" Oh no....  During the presentation, it was obvious that not only did he have stage fright, he also had next to nothing prepared. When he looked desperate after about a minute, the other guy and I stepped in to lead the discussion.  I know he felt really bad, but who could he blame but himself? 

The evening was my favorite part of the day. JC was at an equipping class at church until 10, so I had the whole evening to make our house romantic.

But then, my wonderful friend, Macie, came over for a surprise visit!!  Isn't her sweet little girl just precious? (see pic) We talked while I folded laundry, and by the time she left, I felt so encouraged. 

When Jordan got home, I surprised him with a candle-lit house, music playing, and a yummy treat: gluten-free crepes served with Nutella and banana slices!  I was almost falling asleep by that time, but it was awesome nonetheless.

Valentine's Day could have been awful on so many levels.  Days after a sleepless night are usually emotional swamps of disaster.

 It could have, but it wasn't, mainly because of the absolutely wonderful love of God shown to me through Jordan and sweet friends like Macie, Kelsey, and Marianne. I feel so thankful and loved.

Beauty in Smashes

A friend's car got keyed--on purpose--this week.  Natural reactions that the average human might have in response to this range from annoyed to downright boiling, but my sweet friend just reminded herself that cars are temporary...and then started praying for the angry jerk.  (Not her words--mine.)

I'm not saying that she didn't have some angry thoughts before she responded so beautifully.  The point is, the response was beautiful.

My own car was hit--accidentally--two weeks ago.  See exhibit A. >>>>>>

The fact that it was an accident made my own calm response far less heroic, but I'm having plenty of chances to continue practicing patience.  Today, for instance, I showed up for my 4pm appointment at the collison repair place, only to be forgotten in the waiting room for an hour.  I hadn't had lunch (because I forgot it at home this morning), and my stomach was pinching my ribs pretty fiercely while I sat there, craning my neck to watch the Whitney Houston coverage unfold on the TV.  Patience...

When the guy finally came up to me, my hands were starting to shake with low blood-sugar, but he might have just thought I was excitable. He crouched down by the cracked plastic to look, checked my odometer, and 30 seconds later, I was on the road. I waited an hour for you to do 2 minutes of inspection? Arg.

By the time I got some delicious soup in my tummy, I was fine again. But why should acting like Christ depend so firmly on whether I feel hungry or not?

Jesus, help me trust you, even in annoying circumstances.

Summer Plans

I have realized over the past two weeks that I have not been communicating well with my family and close friends about our summer plans.  I would mention something casually, and get this response: "Whaaaaaa? Really?  I had no idea!"

So, congratulations.  You are about to get the Castille low-down.

First, I'm gonna flip my tassel and graduate!  Whoop!  This day has been long in coming, but the end is now in sight. 

The day after graduation, hubby and I will board a plane with our team and fly halfway across the world for a two-week mission trip in Milan, Italy.  We are in the throes of planning now, and many of you will soon receive a letter in the mail with more details.  (Yay for "real" mail! :) )  Alternatively, (or additionally) you can join our Facebook group by clicking this link and requesting an add. https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/316736331710419/ The plan is to post regular trip updates both before and during the trip.  What could be better than up-to-the-minute updates, right?  (FYI, I will basically be posting the same blogs here and there, mainly so that people have options.  However, husband will post some thoughts of his own on the facebook page that will not show up here.)

After Italy, we're not giving ourselves much time to recover from jetlag.  One day after chasing the sun back across the Atlantic, we'll be loading up our little Camry with a summer's worth of stuff and pointing our noses north to Colorado's YMCA of the Rockies! Our church and other GCM churchs are sending students and staff to an amazing leadership training (LT) program that lasts 10 weeks. Students will work a full-time job at a top-rated YMCA family camp and experience a summer of growth with the Lord through mentoring, awesome teachings, and friendships...all while looking at views like this:

  Yeah.  :D

We WILL have internet, although my cell service might be spotty at best. I'm planning to blog frequently enough that you won't have to worry that I got eaten by Smokey the Bear.