The Exodus of Exodus

Exodus International is the largest ex-gay Christian ministry and, at 37 years, one of the longest-running.

Or it was.

This month, Exodus International announced that it is shutting its doors. The same week, President Allan Chambers issued a heartfelt apology to the GLBT community, saying "Please know that I am deeply sorry...for the pain and hurt many of you have experienced."

Click here to read the full apology. 

In his speech, Chambers personally apologized for not telling the full story of his ongoing same-sex attraction for many years. He also expressed regret that Exodus International had "promoted sexual orientation change efforts and reparative theories about sexual orientation that stigmatized parents." He was referring to "reparative therapy"--the long-standing idea that intensive therapy and a close relationship with God could "repair" or "cure" an unwanted homosexual orientation. While Exodus has taken recent steps in the past few years to denounce this approach as harmful and without medical basis, they had previously endorsed and used this method as part of their ministry.

One day after the apology, Exodus International gave the formal announcement that they were shutting down.

Judging from Exodus International's facebook page, the reactions to the apology are a mixed bag.

"Your too-late apologies can't begin to make up for the real and lasting direct and indirect damage you did to many thousands of people," said one commenter, Michael Martin. 

Another poster, nicknamed Little Bird, was more forgiving.

 "I've lost so many friends who were forced out of their connection with God because of the internalized messages they received from hateful religious groups. I accept the apology. Thank you."

 This month has been momentous for the GLBT community. Just this past Wednesday, the Supreme Court ruled that a key part of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), is unconstitutional. As a result, the federal government will now give same-sex married couples the same legal and financial benefits as their heterosexual counterparts.

I have to admit: when I first saw the headlines, I felt genuine disappointment that any Christian ministry to the GLBT community would shut down. With more and more young people questioning their sexual identities, there is an enormous need for ministries that offer Biblical truth, compassion and support. My husband and I personally have friends who have had positive experiences with the affiliates of Exodus International, and we had never heard the stories of abuse and trauma.

The fact that they were apologizing rubbed it worse--at first glance it seemed to negate everything they had stood for. But when I read Chamber's apology more closely, I saw that the organization made a clear distinction between harm done and beliefs held.

"I cannot apologize for my deeply held biblical beliefs about the boundaries I see in scripture surrounding sex, but I will exercise my beliefs with great care and respect for those who do not share them....My wife Leslie and my beliefs center around grace, the finished work of Christ on the cross and his offer of eternal relationship to any and all that believe. Our beliefs do not center on "sin" because "sin" isn't at the center of our faith. Our journey hasn't been about denying the power of Christ to do anything--obviously he is God and can do anything."

In other words, the apology has nothing to do with rejecting a Biblical stance on marriage, sexuality, or the power of Christ to change us. Instead, it means the leaders of Exodus are simply recognizing that well-intentioned ministry strategies have hurt some of the very people they desired to help, and they are adjusting their approach.

The leaders of the disbanded Exodus International have said that they plan to form a completely new ministry  called Reduce Fear. At the end of his apology, Chamber alluded to the new vision, saying that they hope to host "thoughtful and safe conversations about gender and sexuality, while partnering with others to reduce fear, inspire hope, and cultivate human flourishing."

I am cautiously hopeful as I wait to see.
I pray they can make churches a safe place for gays without endorsing the "Gay Gospel" or gay lifestyle.
I pray that they offer hope in the power of Christ without offering false promise in the power of Christian therapy.
I pray that Reduce Fear becomes an organization known for love and compassion instead of one tarnished by hushed-up scandals.

It's a tall order, but I think they have taken a brave first step in the right direction.


I usually don't write about current events, but lately the news has captured my attention. Please take these thoughts as the honest wrestling of a Christian who doesn't have all the answers, but who wants to be thoughtful, curious and engaged with the world in which she lives. This *may* become a more common thing here at A Pile of Pebbles. 

Adults Bully Too

Lately I've been researching workplace bullying. Read into that what you will.

I always thought bullies were a middle-school thing, but apparently adult bullying is pretty common. A Wikipedia search told me that almost half (49%) of all Americans reported being affected by bullying currently or in the past. Maaaan, I thought I was out of the danger zone!

The Health and Safety Executive website says that workplace bullying is "negative behavior being targeted at an individual, or individuals, repeatedly and persistently over time." Pretty broad definition, but they break it down:

• ignoring or excluding someone
• giving unachievable tasks, or "setting you up to fail"
• spreading malicious rumors or gossip
• making belittling remarks
• undermining your integrity
• not giving credit where credit is due
• withholding information purposely

The Workplace Bullying Institute says stress from being harassed or bullied can cause emotional and mental damage leading to things like depression, heart problems, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Yikes!

My research, and my own experience, have convinced me that the question is not whether it will happen to me, but when. And when it does, what is the mature, responsible response? Is the advice given to kids in middle school appropriate for an adult workplace? And as a Christian, should my behavior be different from what I could legally do?

These are genuine questions. 

As a kid, I was told, "Ignore bullies; they just want a reaction. If that doesn't work, stand up to them." But as a homeschooled kid, I had a pretty limited exposure to bullies. Not much chance to practice. 

Now I'm adult in the corporate world, and I sense a pressure to give as good as I get or get run over. Gossip is the norm, and if you don't conform, then guess what--you're the new target. "Good Americans" are confident, assertive individuals who would never allow themselves to be bullied, right?

But as a Christian, I've resisted this, struggling to know how to respond and remain obedient to Jesus. I mean, He said some pretty un-American stuff on this topic. 

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles." (Matthew 5:28-41)

A person who slaps me, steals my hoodie, and sues me. Hmm, sounds like a bully to me. And Jesus says "do not resist" this person. Instead He seems to advocate a policy of "killing with kindness", giving good for evil. 

Until this week, Jesus and Corporate America seemed totally out of sync. Then I had a revelation: perhaps "resistance" was not the same as "assertiveness."

Resistance pushes angrily back when it is shoved. It fights fire with fire, leading to an inferno. I have always known that this was a baaaaaad idea. Assertion, on the other hand, can be respectful and controlled. It speaks the truth in love. It may confront, but it never keeps grudges and it never gossips. 

I am still chewing on this new distinction. How to assert lovingly--and ensure that people know it's done without malice? How to confront people who have never known healthy conflict? How to break habits of silence and avoidance that have grown over months?

Maybe I'll do a sequel to this post as I learn more. But in the meantime, I'd appreciate prayer. I have a new appreciation for the hard life of the picked-on. 

Fun Favorites to Share!

This blog is not, and never will be, a place where I push products on my family and friends for profit. Not to disparage blogs that do--I read several that are lots of fun!--but that wasn't the point of this one.

That said, I just visited my family this weekend, and it reminded me of how much can be learned when sisters share life and ideas with you. (For example, I had no idea that you could use baking soda and vinegar to keep dreadlocks clean, or that drinking a honey-apple-cider-vinegar-water mixture can be good for your complexion. Who knew??)

So without further ado, here are some of my new favorite things. Hope you like 'em!

Scripture Typer app
We do everything on smart phones now, and honestly, it can often distract me from spending time on things that matter. So I downloaded a Bible memory app!

I chose ScriptureTyper for its great reviews and because it caters to all types of students.

Visual learners can type the first letter of each word as they memorize. There is a vocal recorder for audio-aficionados like myself. They even have a "draw" feature for artistic, tactile-kinesthetic peeps who want to create artwork to jog their memories.



Paprika app
Ever wanted to find a recipe quickly, but it was buried somewhere in a pile of cookbooks? Or wanted to email your grandma's famous chicken recipe to a friend but you were nowhere near your computer? Then you'll love this app.

If you and a friend both use Paprika, she can email a recipe to you, you can open it in your phone, and boom--it's already in your app. It also has a browsing feature, so you can search recipes online.
Once you have the recipe, you can customize it, put your own rating on it, and even (my favorite!) categorize it with personalized tags for easy finding later.

And every week, I use Paprika's meal-planning feature to plan out the grocery shopping--so handy!

Burt's Bees Tinted Lip Balm
When it comes to a good tinted lip balm that gives a rosy glow without feeling waxy or sticky, Burt's Bees is the best! I use the "rose" tint, but they have several others I want to try, like "hibiscus" and "red dahlia".

Thanks, Mom, for giving it to me in my Christmas stocking this year!

Shellac Manicure
Maybe I'm sloooooooowww to get on the bandwagon (ok, yes, I am), but I just got my first shellac manicure! I have super soft nails that chip and peel all the time, so normal nail polish usually looks like it went through a war zone by the second or third day. No-chip polish sounded too good to be true, but a sweet friend convinced me to give it a shot this weekend. Today is the 5th day, and it still looks like new!

Do you have any awesome new favorite things? Tell me!

How does my garden grow?

 The last time I showed you my garden, the box stood stark in the ground, softened only by a few tiny pepper and tomato plants.

Look at it now!

Because of the drought our area has had for the past two summers, I was considering installing an auto-drip system. But because this summer has been pretty wet so far, my new concern is drainage. Too much water equals root-rot. I'm hoping that the fact that it's a raised bed will help.

I'm excited about these baby tomatoes!

And these flowers will one day be cucumbers!

Not sure why the bell peppers are looking puny. Too much water perhaps?

There is one problem I have no clue how to fix. Little sugar ants are eating the stems of my zucchini plants at the root! Does anyone know how I can stop them?

Now the big stuff!

After my previous post about God using "small things" in Italy, I realized that I should probably clarify something:

God did big things in Italy, and answered big, outrageous prayers.

It was my faith that was puny that morning, seeing only smallness. I was insecure, focused on my efforts instead of God's power.

That other post was not a trip summary. It was just a personal reflection on something I was learning--something that I needed to know just as much here in the states as overseas.

THIS post, however, is a report! :)
Because of the mixed crowd that reads this blog, I can't share personal details about friends' names and specific conversations. Just respecting my friends' privacy here. However, I'm excited to give a bullet-point update of how God answered some of your prayers!

• Three Salvations!
  Three of our friends decided to begin a relationship with Jesus, trusting that His death is the only way to be saved from the death penalty we all deserve. Technically, I now have two new sisters and a brother. "Thrilled" isn't a big enough word to describe how excited we are!
  
• Continued friendships & awesome conversations
  As I wrote in a previous post, I love returning. I love catching up, reuniting, re-hashing old jokes and making new ones. Thanks to Facebook, many of the friends we made last year returned to English Clubs to see us! 

  

  Team plus students at the beach of Santa Margherita, Ligura

• Hubby's allergies were fine!
  The land of pizza, pasta and cheese is a hard place for the gluten and dairy intolerant, but these supplements made life so much easier.
  
• Team unity
  Without unity, a team flops. Most of the team members were at the acqaintance level when we boarded the plane for Milan. Add this to the fact that we had a patchwork of ages, personalities, and mission trip experience, and you can understand why unity was at the top of our prayer list.
  I personally felt God connect me to the team during a fun lunch with the other girls. Some appointments fell through, so was only team members--a disappointment turned blessing.
  
• Minimal jet lag
  One of the girls on the team has a history of HORRIBLE jet lag. I'm talking konk-out-for-fourty-eight-hours horrible jet lag. We prayed that she wouldn't experience this, and she barely felt tired!

So once again, THANK YOU all for praying, for giving, and for being a very literal part of our team even if you didn't leave your home. We couldn't have done it without you.