The scary-ness of calling yourself a writer

Unless you’re Mariah Carey, it’s a intimidating to say “I’m a singer”. I mean, someone might ask you whether you’ve got an album. Or [horrors!] ask you to sing on the spot. Like, right now.

It can feel just as scary to say, “I’m a writer”.

We squirm, wondering what qualifies us to have the audacity to consider ourselves real writers.

Is it when we publish that first book? Is it when our blogs reach some magical number of followers or has a post that goes viral on Facebook?

In our capitalist society, the mark of legitimacy is often a paycheck. I mean, I may love to dabble in watercolor, but it’s hard to say “I’m a painter” unless someone is willing to plunk down cash for one of my pieces.

But technically, this describes an author.
A writer, when you distill the definition to its core, is simply one who writes.

I must diligently hack off the extra words that try to attach themselves like barnacles to this pure definition. Those extras turn “writer” into Professional Writer, Technical Writer, Popular Writer, Freelance Writer, or even Successful Writer. Descriptive? Maybe. But they can also set an impossible standard of success that can make me say, “oh no, not me. I’m not that.”

I must remind myself that no athlete began with a gold medal, and most never win one.

I remember that applause is often a fickle measure of worth.

I have to zero in on the fact that I like writing, and that the joy of doing something should be enough to keep doing it.

I am a writer, not because I am the best writer the world has seen (ha!), or the most profound, or the most well-known or prolific, but because I choose return and turn my insides out again on a page.

I am a writer, not because I do it perfectly, but because I do it.

And as I operate in the truth of who I am, I will become.

Original photography by Quinn Dombrowski

Today I'm actually joining a larger discussion over at Kate Motaung's blog about the book On Being a Writer by Ann Kroeker and Charity Singleton Craig. I stumbled on the conversation last week as I browsed through my feed on Bloglovin', and it scratched an itch I didn't realize I had. 

Lately, I've been doing some hard thinking about this writing thing. I've been asking myself some hard questions, like "why do I write anyway?", "what are my motivations?", and "what should my writing give you, the readers?"

More on that later. Thanks for coming along as I process. :)

To: My Mommy on Her Birthday

Today is your birthday, but I am over 100 miles away. 

If I could, I would wake you up with herbal tea and a walk in the sparkling dawn because we both love mornings. I would clean your house, rub your back, and then let you nap while I made dinner. 

But I can’t, so here—these are a few of the thankful thoughts I’ve had all day about you.

Thank you for being a mommy who snuggled and kissed and hugged freely.

Thank you for putting up with math-induced pouting and door-slamming.

Thank you for singing about birdies and cherry trees and barrel-and-a-heap while the ball bearings squeaked beneath us.

I am so thankful that you taught us for an entire year about China.

And that you made dollies and their tiny fashions with us.

Thank you for reading aloud.You dedicated hundreds of hours to this, enthralling our hearts forever with the beauty of words and stories.

For making us apologize to each other. 

For apologizing to us.

For nature hikes, sketchbooks in hand.

For encouraging dress-up and pretend (even if it meant the whole living room disappeared under boxes and sheets).

For Hershey-bar pie and Swedish tea rings at Christmas.

For all the times you packed and unpacked for camping trips.

For trimming our bangs in your bathroom, swishing the hair bits away with that funny brush.

For thrift shopping,
                bra shopping,
                                and shopping to fill shoeboxes meant for kids in Belize or Bhutan or Belarus,  making Christmas expand beyond my own wish list.

For letting our little fingers into your sewing, your paints, your charcoal pencils and teaching us that art isn’t about the product, but the process.

For loving Daddy and for kissing him in front of us.

For long talks in the bathroom, in the car, and during walks through our suburban streets with our tennis shoes crunching in tandem--talks anywhere about everything.

For treating me like an adult, but letting me be a little girl whenever I need it.

And finally, thank you for not hiding your flaws. This most of all. Because of it, I have hope that perfectionism is not permanent. I know that there is strength in humility, and beauty in admitting need. 

Blessed are the poor in spirit, because their daughters see God through their brokenness.

Happy birthday, Mommy. I love you.

Getting Crafty: Wreath Edition

I got crafty last weekend! Having my mom and sister here always wakes the sleeping artist in me.

I used this tutorial as my inspiration.

After thanksgiving, I may add some red berries or simply remove the camel-colored rosettes to help it transition to the Christmas season.

Ok, more realistically, I'll probably just leave it until July next year. (Those are flowers, right? They could pass for spring...right?)

I like gardening on canvas too

It must have been Jesus' idea, because it hasn't crossed either of our minds until the moment before she said it:

"Would you wanna get together next weekend and paint?"

Ohhhhh girl, would I.

Painting is one of those elusive hobbies that never seems to materialize because I rely on the off-chance that I'll I have nothing more pressing to do. Annnnnnnd we all know that in this life, there is ALWAYS something that feels more urgent than dabbling in paint, be it cooking, shopping, laundry, work, returning a phone call, a meeting...you get the idea...and I don't even have kids yet!

But as a wise friend of mine recently blogged, "I'm too busy" is actually code for "Other things are higher on my priority list." In other words, we make time for whatever we value more. Tough but true. (Go read her blog here!)

Painting simply doesn't stack high on my priority list, which is why it had to piggyback on something that I DO fight to make priority: girl time with friends.

So we sat last Saturday night, yellow table and tea and tubes of paint between, and soaked in the sweetness of understanding that you find with a good friend. We worshiped to the sound of Meredith Andrews on Pandora, and Jesus was there, and the paint flowed.

I'm learning--slowly--to not drag a little bag of guilt into sweet times of rest like these. I'm sure some of you remember the book I mentioned last month?  I continue to chew on it, and it continues to challenge my ideas of simplicity, my motivations for busy-ness, and how I understand God's attitude toward rest and stillness. I'll have more about the book in another post, but the fact that I painted and enjoyed fully (sans guilt) is evidence to me that I'm learning how to rest!

Tomorrow night is the start of our women's retreat that Fellowship Church, and I'm praying that it will truly be a time of deep surrender-rest for my heart and the hearts of all the other ladies there. If you would take 30 seconds and pray with me, that would be awesome!

(My painting is a copy of a painting I pinned on Pinterest, by Ginnette Callaway.)

Post-makeover Pumpkins

Remember a few weeks ago before all the wedding craziness when I told you about my new orange canvas?
Well, here are some belated pictures of the finished product!

A pumpkin patch on a pumpkin. :)

 I even took some pictures of my co-workers pumpkins, just so you could see the incredible variety that half a dozen bank tellers could produce. 

An ombre creation, complete with colored glitter and spiders. 

I thought the dots looked like jelly beans. 

Definitely the scariest!

With sharpie-drawn face, this was the pumpkin version of Annie Oakley. 

The blind, purple LSU pumpkin. 

Minnie!

Currently, the cowgirl pumpkin (without her hat and gun) and the glittery pumpkin (sans spiders) are chillin on my front porch as interesting fall decor. I would have kept mine, but it got moldy. I guess that's what happens when you cover a pumpkin completely in paint?

Pumpkin Project Ahead

In the spirit of cooler weather and healthy competition, my boss handed each of us a pumpkin at yesterday's meeting.

"Get these decorated by next Monday--any way you like."

Ooooooooo. :)

As much as I've bucked all my life against forced creativity required for school projects, this is one time when I feel liberated by the mandate to make something pretty. No, I can't do laundry or cook right now. My boss told me to decorate this. 

Here are the links to my current sources of inspiration:

• A black and white design
• Finger-painted flowers
• Following the geometric trend
• A slew of cute ideas from Better Homes and Gardens

We will display them in the lobby until Christmas is more in style...and then I have a feeling hubby and I will be eating pumpkin pie. :) 

Pinteresting::Jewelry Board

Remember this project that I considered doing back in January?

This weekend, I made a simpler, more functional version that didn't involve lace or an expensive frame.

I began with JC's old corkboard. After I freed it from a 10-year layer of photos and push pins, I gathered these supplies:

• Leftover wall paint from the hallway
• paintbrush
• 1/2 yard of pretty fabric
• Wood or Elmer's glue
• One 1/4-inch wooden rod
• small package of hook screws
• hammer
• small nails

First I applied the paint, lavishly, since I knew the fabric would cover any mistakes. After measuring the face of the board within the frame, I cut the fabric to size and glued it down inside the edges of the frame.

The next phase was the fun part! I created racks for my hook earrings by inserting the hook screws as supports. Once the rods were threaded through the hooks, it looked like this:

I then hammered nails into the board for each necklace and bracelet, being careful that they didn't poke through the back. Voila!

Long overdue post: Craft Shop Visit

Newsflash: Cherise is alive!  

I took a hiatus from the blog world for the past two weeks or so. It wasn't intentional; it simply got pushed into the back corners of life by...well, life. 

I flew back to Texas

I spent a weekend with my wonderful family

I applied to a slew of new jobs

I painted a picture

I spent some time to soul-search

And my part-time job has entered the yearly 50-hour per week phase of planning known as "Staff Retreat Season"

Whew! 

If life slows down, I might possibly be able to blog about these happenings sometime. But, now that she has received her present, here is a long-overdue post about the day I visited the YMCA craft shop in Colorado to make something special for my sister: 

_____________________________________________________________________________

The pathway to the door is a work of art! Green...

Blue...

Purple...

Pink...

It's something I'd love to do with my non-existent kids someday in our yard! 

Once inside, I faced a dazzling array of beads: two ten-foot tables simply LOADED with them. I chose my favorites, and this was the finished product:

I wish I had gone back at least once before I left. Oh well...maybe I'll have the chance someday. :)

Happy things

My stomach is growling, but I wanted to share a few happy things before I go to dinner:

Happy thing #1: Kelsey is here!
I can't believe I haven't mentioned this fact on my blog yet. She's been here ever since two cars and a motorcycle made a spontaneous 19-hour road trip up from Texas to visit the LT-ers last week. They left after only two days, but she stayed, and our life has experienced an upsurge of laughter and hugs ever since!

For those of you who don't know, this is the same Kelsey who will be our house-mate for about three months this coming fall. Our little family will be temporarily expanded, and we are excited! She is recently engaged, planning a November wedding, and it just didn't make sense for her to renew a year-long lease in August.

Happy thing #2: Conversations over dishes
Yesterday morning, a combination of a broken tray-conveyor and a severe lack of diners meant that hubby and I were free to get to know some of the other employees in the kitchen during our Trash 'n Tray shift.

There is Carla, a smiling, dark-skinned beauty from Jamaica who laughs even when our American jokes aren't that funny to her. There is Valentina, a slender 21-year-old from Macedonia whose black hair falls playfully over her eyes when she looks up.

And there is Gerald*.

My conversation with Gerald broke my heart. He is well beyond fifty, and one of the friendliest and kindest managers at the Y. He is also a second-time divorcee, tired of religion, and the last few years have been hard. The recession dried up his carpentry business two years ago, and he lost the beautiful house he'd built in the mountains. He's lonely, and the seasonal friends he makes in the kitchen seem to be his only company.

Please pray for him to understand that Jesus is the answer, the only friend who won't leave, the one who calls him valuable even if he might feel like a failure.

Happy thing #3: Dabbling in Doodles
I haven't sketched in AGES, but Colorado's beauty is a great inspiration to dig out the art supplies. :)

Inspiration from the porch

In progress...

Completed sketch!

Happy thing #4: Weekend Plans
Ohhh, this weekend is going to be awesome and full of love!

On Saturday, hubby will fly to Oregon and have the privilege to stand next to our friend as he pledges his heart and loyalty to his sweetheart. This is a young man who decided to follow Jesus, was baptized, and grew in the Lord while in our homegroup two years ago, so it is very special that my hubby gets to be part of the wedding.

And then...I will pick him up from the airport and we will celebrate our own first year of marriage!  Wow, I can NOT believe that our first, sweet year has flown by so fast. June 18, 2011 was such an incredibly beautiful day, but I can honestly say that the love I felt for him then is pale and anemic compared to how I love him now.

We hope to find a hotel deal in Denver and then go exploring for a few days. :)










*Name changed for privacy purposes.

October baby

Because of a long tradition that began back in our early dating days, Monday night is date night at our house. (Hey, it sure beats fighting the Friday-Saturday crowds, and lots of places have specials!)

This Monday, we finally went to see October Baby at the old theater down the road. 

I cried. 

Admittedly, I am known for becoming...invested in the characters on the screen. I will involuntarily leave my clinging nail marks in hubby's hand when things are tense, or have to leave the room when the embarrassment felt by the character is too much to take. (Hence my love-hate relationship with The Office.)

But I'm not usually teary-eyed. Freaked out, yes; snotty-nosed, no. 

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, here is a brief, non-spoiler-containing synopsis:
Hannah Lawson is a beautiful young college student who suddenly collapses during the opening scenes of her first college-level theatre performance. All medical tests point to one common denominator: her difficult and premature birth. 

After Hannah discovers that she is the adopted survivor of a failed abortion, she sets out to discover the truth about her past. 

Check out more reviews and this official trailer from the Dove Foundation. 

After seeing Fireproof and other similar movies produced by Christian organizations, I honestly wasn't expecting very high quality, either in the acting or in the filming. But October Baby was a pleasant surprise! I'm no expert, but the camera work felt professional, tender, and intimate. I found myself powerfully drawn into the emotion of the story by the authenticity of the characters. 

I think that the aspect I most appreciated was that, while it does deal honestly with the painful fallout of abortion, it never vilifies the young women who chose to end their pregnancies. Instead, the movie leaves you full of compassion for those faced with that difficult choice. 

And on that note...do NOT leave the movie before the credits have finished. :)

Carnival!

As promised, here is the update about the carnival our church put on for the inner-city kids at SOS Ministries! It's more pictures than words, but we all know how many words a picture is worth. :)

Our booth was a good ol' fashioned ring toss! Grand prize: ring pops!

My old homegroup had the awesome idea of playing basketball with the kids using a garbage can as the hoop.  As you can see, they were having a blast!

Awww....

Such a cutie...

This homegroup had a giant slingshot for water bombs! 

Homegroup Connect had the most creative bowling game I've ever seen. Instead of pins, kids rolled a ball to knock over little paper cups of watered-down paint onto squares of clean fabric. The result: ART!

Yeah, I'm collecting awesome ideas to do with my own kids someday. :)

Goofiness after the carnival just melted my heart.

Pentatonix

After the family carnival our church is putting on for kids in Bryan tomorrow night, I'm sure I'll have plenty to share (teaser!!), but for now, here is a little video of my new favorite acapella group: Pentatonix.

This is a mix of "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson and "Forget You" by Cee Lo Green. Last year, they won the grand prize and a recording contract for the singing competition, The Sing Off. Enjoy!

Art Update

For those of you trembling in anticipation on the edges of your swivel chairs, wondering what I finally decided to create during Girl Craft Night (all 2 of you), the answer is NONE of the options I considered. That's life: we make our plans, but sometimes they just don't happen. 

Happy are the flexible. :)

My first choice (thanks to those who voted!) was the jewelry rack, mainly because my poor little jewelry tree is staggering under the weight of too many mismatched beads and baubles. But...I wasn't about to shell out 50 bucks for a frame at Hobby Lobby. Why can't shabby chic ever be shabby cheap?

Second choice: the painted ceiling medallions as wall decor. Same problem, only the cost would have been around $80. Also, the ones at home improvement stores are made of foam and plastic, which is very hard to paint unless you buy additional primer.

So here's the great reveal...please don't laugh. I never claimed to be a professional artist.

The idea was to create four paintings, each representing one of the four types of soil in Jesus' parable. (Obvioulsy, an evening was not enough time to finish all four, which means that I have an excuse for another artsy night!)

If you were ever in Sunday School as a kid, you'll remember that in one of his stories, Jesus described the average farmer as he scattered his seeds in a field. The farmer's strong arm would have thrown the seeds in a wide, graceful arc to cover as much ground as possible. Of course, that meant that seeds went everywhere, and that not all of them grew well.

The seeds that fell on the path were eaten by birds.

Those that fell on rocks withered under the sun because they had shallow roots.

Those that fell among weeds got choked.

But those that fell on the plowed, rich, deep soil grew and produced a crop.

But Jesus was a carpenter, not a visiting lecturer on agriculture, and he was speaking to our hearts about our hearts. The seeds represent the Word of God, and the soils are the hearts of people who hear it. 

The parable of the soils has been part of my mental library since before I could read, along with Grimms Fairy Tales and Bambi. Even though I've understood that Jesus was speaking beyond mere seeds and dirt, it's so easy to stop there and not ask the hard questions. Is my heart hard and unwilling to let God's truth penetrate deeply, like the rocky soil? Is it so full of noise, anxiousness, and other concerns that His truth is choked? 

To be honest, I have times when both are true. Just this week, God was showing me his goodness and telling me that he forgives me more freely than I do, but there was a part in me that was unwilling to believe he could be that good. At that moment, the lie, "God holds grudges like a human" was like a stubborn rock in my heart, keeping his truth from coming in. At other times, I think my heart-dirt is getting softer, and I can see the results.

Which of the soils do you most identify with?

Art Decisions

Tomorrow night, the thing we have talked of and dreamed of for semesters will finally happen.
Tomorrow night, the girls in our homegroup will have a craft night.

This is monumental! This is huge!  When it comes to the creative arts, the collective frustration among us girls  has been that there is no time to pursue them.
"I used to make stuff like that," one of us will say, and the rest of us chime in: "Oh I know!" "I have a whole bag of that in my closet/junk drawer..."
And then we would look at each other longingly, knowing that all of us wanted the same thing.

But now, we are siezing the moment! We are closing our laptops, laying aside our class notes, resolutely saying no to the call and pull of other responsibilities.  Here, on this craft table we are taking a stand for the cultivation of our hearts. Because there is something deep in all of us that must create--or die.

And now, I have a new dilemma.  Which of my pinterest dreams to make a reality?

Unique jewelry rack

I love the combination of ink and watercolor!  Maybe a different subject...

Art from rolled up strips of magazine paper

Could do with paint or the rolled paper from previous picture

painted plaster finials from Home Depot could make cute wall art

Leave your votes! I retain the right to reject all opinions in the final hour of decision. :)