Italy: Written somewhere over Greenland...

Waiting for the plane in the Milano airport

The introvert inside me craves a week of quietness in which to wade through all my thoughts. Since I can't have it, I really feel thankful for this long plane ride. We are following the sun, retrieving the hours we lost when we left two weeks ago, and the quietness is so welcome.

My thoughts, first of all, are thankful! So thankful. God answered so many prayers and carried our team through jetlag, cultural differences, discouragement, migraine headaches, and changing plans. No luggage was lost except for a suitcase full of gifts, and it was delivered painlessly to our hotel two days after arriving in Milan. We didn't get food poisoning. Students from previous years came back. English clubs were a hit! And now Italy will never leave my heart.

The GPS on the plane, showing that we were over Louisiana!

While I look back over these two weeks in Italy, another part of me is already racing ahead to our apartment, making the re-packing lists so that we can leave in less than two short days for Summer Adventure Part II: Colorado!
Yes, this is a crazy summer. But I have such an awesome God. Even if I feel overwhelmed, I can relax because He's got me in His arms.

Please take a moment and pray for:
1) The long-term missionary couple in Milan as they come back to the states for the summer and raise their support.
2) Helena, our new friend who decided to follow Jesus--that she would grow in her new relationship with God and get involved with other Christians in Milano.
3) ​For hubby and I to get over jet lag quickly and be super efficient on Monday, the "re-packing day"!
4) ​For a safe drive to Colorado on Tuesday.

Italy: Ciao for now!

Even though the goodbyes were hard, this last day in Italy was sweet and full. 

We spent the day in Milan's throbbing heart: a bustling downtown area filled with tourists, shops, and ancient architecture. After lunch with other teammates, many of our new friends from English clubs met us at the Duomo. (see pic!>>) Some of us climbed to the roof, and I was amazed by the detail carved into parts of the building that would never be seen from the ground. Even though the name of the cathedral means "made by man", the building's creators must have had a greater Audience in mind, one who would see the painstaking details so far from the street. 

As we walked, I thanked God for the Italian students and for the friendships we've formed in these past two weeks. Helena, Stefano, Belentina, Natalya, Lisa, Federico, Andrea...and so many others--all are so precious to me now. I knew before I came that it was a relational trip, but now I am beginning to understand the importance of long-term investment in these students. 

Some of my teammates had been here before, and I was amazed at their persistent, faithful love shown to the students that they had met in past years. It was because they had prayed, facebooked, and continued contact with those students that so many returned. Not only did they return; many of them were open to discussing spiritual things for the first time, and almost five of them have even said that they want to begin studying the Bible with the long-term missionaries here! 

Love shown once can be good, even influential. But to persistently, constantly, faithfully love someone over time--this could change the world. 

I am seriously asking God whether He wants me to come back next year (as I hope!), and asking Him for wisdom in how to keep up with my new friends. 

The beautiful sky last night! 

Ohhhh, I'll miss this food....

Helena!

Lisa!

What an amazing group. And each person is so precious to God! 

Please pray for us to have a safe trip and that we actually sleep on the plane! And pray that hubby and I get over jetlag quickly, especially since we have to re-pack and leave for Colorado on Tuesday. :)  A marathon, but Jesus is enough to help us through it. 

Italy: Bellagio and second week

I recognize now that I was over-ambitious to think I could blog daily here in Italy. Scratch that: it was ridiculous. 

 Every morning we have only a short time to shower, eat breakfast and pray before team devotions. We take the rumbling, swaying tram to campus. There, we eat lunch with the students we've met, getting to know them and talking about spiritual things. 

With our stomachs full of pasta or kebab, we board the tram again, trying to brace ourselves for the sudden stops without looking like sumo wrestlers. At the second (larger) hotel, we spend two hours preparing for English Clubs. Students trickle in and shyly sit. We laugh, talk, explain, and teach for three hours, trying to move beyond the surface to the people. Afterward, many students accept our invitation to dinner, and it gives a great opportunity to build relationships and talk about life and about God. 

Fun times! But sooooo exhausting for this morning-person-girl. By the time we reach our hotel at night, all I can do is take our my contacts, breathe a prayer, and fall into bed.

But I want to give you all a few specifics before starting to bombard you with pictures from Colorado. :) 

Excursion to Bellagio

Bellagio on Lago di Como is, by far, the most beautiful place I have ever seen in Europe. The lake (Lago di Como) is cupped in the foothills of the Alps, surrounded by the red-tiled roofs we Americans always imagined when we thought of Italy. The town itself is pristine, without any trash or graffiti to mar the rose, yellow, and mustard-colored buildings.

On Saturday, thirty of us boarded a huge bus and spent the day together in this picturesque place, enjoying the beautiful scenery, the many cafes, and spontaneous games of Ninga (super fun...ask me to tell you about it if you don't know this game!) As we walked, talked, and ate, meaningful conversations were happening on every side.

Poor hubby...he felt sick the entire day after that winding bus ride. The switch-back road down the mountains was so narrow at points that the bus had to back up and stopped up traffic in both directions! It made me wonder how he'll fare on similar roads in Colorado.



Please pray for my new friends. My deep, deep desire is to show her--and the other students--love. But I need God to help me be a listener, a learner, and make my words culturally sensitive.

I have so much to learn about loving well. 

Italy: My sick day

"Even to your old age and gray hairs

I am he, I am he who will sustain you.

I have made you and I will carry you;

I will sustain you and I will rescue you." (Isaiah 46:4)

I've always been touched by this verse, but always for someone else. Someone who had gray hair. Each time I read it, I would tuck it away in a mental filing cabinet with a little post-it note that said, "For one day when I'm a grandma." After my kids are grown, and I sit, fragile, next to an African Violet in a sterile-smelling nursing home, that's the day I'll need it.

Well, I needed it today.

I woke up late and groggy, with crumpled hair and eyes that refused to open fully. My normal jolt of morning adrenaline kicked in as I showered, but it seemed watered-down somehow.

I wasn't the only one who was feeling bad; Lindsay was fighting sinus issues. The team prayed for us, but as we began to sing, all I could do was sit with my hands open on my lap as if to receive. Jesus, fill me with energy, I prayed.

The previous day's devotion about faith was bumping around in my head like shoes in a dryer. I wondered foggily, would it be more obedient to plunge into the day as usual, trusting God to provide the strength, focus, and energy I lacked? That would definitely take faith.

Or would it be more obedient to lay my tired head down upstairs, trusting God to help the English Clubs go well even if I wasn't there? That would take faith too. And humility. I'm not essential. God can do fine without me. 


At the urging of wise friends, I reluctantly and tearfully rode the tiny red elevator back up to the room. I felt useless. Why am I even here?

I slept for four solid hours. When I awoke in the dim, cool room, I lay there feeling miserable.

Then words from God's Word began to crowd softly, tapping at my memory.

Does God break bruised reeds? No. Does He snuff out smoldering wicks? No. 


"Even to your old age and gray hair, I am he who sustains you..."


In our culture, the helpless are despised. Unwanted babies are discarded daily. Elderly people can't contribute to society. They drool too much. Put them somewhere else. They are smoldering; snuff them out.

How different from the way God sees them!

And today, I was like an old woman. I was fragile, exhausted, and emotionally drained. I was the one who He carried.

"I have made you and I will carry you..."


I think I'm beginning to see the truth: that my value has nothing to do with how much I contribute. It has everything to do with the fact that I am His.

P.S.
Today was our 11-month wedding anniversary! (Yes, we're still celebrating each month...stop rolling your eyes.) He was so incredibly sweet to me today. :) 

Italy: The Scavenger Hunt!

Instead of holding the usual English Clubs this afternoon, we took our new friends on a walk-your-legs-off version of the great American sleepover staple: the scavenger hunt. 

The two teams were given several envelopes, each holding a rhyming clue that would lead them to the next point on their quest. At each stop, the entire team had to pose for a picture while doing what the clue demanded.

 For example, at one stop we bought gelato, at another stop we climbed a playground’s monkey bars, and at another, we posed by the life-size statue of an orca whale that sits in the lobby of the geology building on the University campus. (Don’t ask…I have NO idea what an orca whale has to do with geology.)

I don't think our Italian friends had never done anything so random, silly, or so...American. Some of them were a little shy of the goofy-ness we indulged in so freely, but deep down, I think they liked it. Frank, who lives here full-time, later assured me that they will lose their shyness soon. "At the end of these two weeks", he said, "many of them will be crying. They will have friendships with you that are deeper than they ever imagined they could have."

Even before the conversation with Frank, I had noticed that many of my new friends seemed lonely, discouraged, or cynical about life. Some are flippant and nonchalant, a crust that they wear to guard some hidden hurt. Some fish for compliments and attention, glowing when they are given but always needing more.

As we power-walked from clue to clue, we talked about life, about culture, about their families and their plans for the future. I often walked with Natalya, a beautiful girl two years older than me. 

I REALLY want to upload the pictures and show you how well our new friends did on their very first scavenger hunt, but alas…they are in Jordan’s camera, he is asleep from a sugar-and-coffee crash, and I’m just not savvy enough to figure out how to do it.

However, I do have one picture that I took with my phone:

The team climbed a small version of Mount Everest close to campus to find a clue taped to a pole at the summit. Yes, it really was as vertical as it looks (check out our shadows!), and I was pretty winded after reaching the top!

Here are a few more pictures from the day: 

Nearly every wall in Italy is decorated with graffiti, but no one seems to mind.This one is next to the tram stop near our hotel. We want to name these gangster-looking fish...any suggestions?

Hubby ordered a Nutella Choccino today. Starbucks could definitely learn some things from the Italians!

My miniature Morroccino was only three inches tall, but every sip flooded my tongue with flavor. Definitely worth 2 Euro.

This is one of my bus passes for the week. As we file conspicuously onto the tram in the morning (Americans are ALWAYS conspicuous, fyi), we insert our cards into a little orange machine that beeps, clicks, and spits it back out. 

Tomorrow we will resume the English Clubs. Please pray for: 

-Good weather! (It's been beautiful so far!)

-That many students would continue coming to the Clubs.

-That we would listen well, and take every opportunity to show love.

Italy: arrival update!

Mi perdoni—Forgive me; this blog is long overdue!

 I blame jetlag.
 I blame the awesome conversations and sheer volume of fun we’ve been having.
Oh, and I blame the beautiful long walks we have around Milano on our late-night quests for gelato. (Which is, I must admit, is quickly usurping Blue Bell Ice Cream in my heart.)

Regardless, we are safe, having fun, and so excited about our new Italian friends! Every day we meet someone new or have an interaction that goes deeper than the day before. Every day I slowly add to my little pile of Italian words and phrases. And every day, I am amazed at the energy God gives me, even though I arrived physically and emotionally exhausted after a long, hard semester.

Here is a short recap of the trip:

One of my favorite things about flying is getting a reverse view of the clouds.

When you run against the sun, the night is short and morning comes early. I was so thankful for my window seat and for Jordan’s comfortable shoulder. This meant that I could lean my tired head in either direction to sleep, and this kept my neck from freezing painfully in one position.

They fed us well on the flight: Chicken Curry for dinner, and then this breakfast box when the sun came up.

I was so thankful that all of my luggage appeared on the conveyor when we arrived.   Our team fared pretty well in this department, but we are still missing one suitcase that was full of goodies for Frank and Pam, the permanent team members here in Milan. Please pray it arrives soon!

Our arrival:

While our friends at home were starting their first REM cycle, we were bustling through a shining Milano airport and jolting down Italian thoroughfares in a rented van.

Inside our van from the airport

My groggy mind mistook our hotel for a pizzeria. It has the look and feel of a beautiful home, with a long narrow driveway and an explosion of red and white roses at the front door. The inside has a narrow 4-story staircase that feels like something out of a mystery novel, and each room is a unique experience of wallpapers, furniture from 4 different decades, and colored tiles.

The man and wife who own the hotel have a beautiful little girl with dark hair and eyes. She is shy of Americans, but her parents are so sweet to all of us, bringing us cappuccinos every morning at breakfast and putting up with our noise.

A typical day:

After an Italian breakfast of cappuccinos, olives, artichokes and Nutella-daubed biscuits (shortbread cookies), we use the breakfast area for a time of team devotions, prayer, and worship.

 Karla and Lindsay both play the guitar—what a blessing!

Then off to lunch on the campus of Universitá Milano-Bicocca! As you can see here, the campus is beautiful—and extremely vertical. The restaurants peek out of the first floor windows, while the dorms and classrooms tower above.

We ride the tram to a second, larger hotel where we hold the English clubs. After a few hours of preparing games, activities and themed lessons, the students start to trickle in. They always look a little shy, but the games are so ridiculous and fun that that ends quickly.

(more to come later!) J We have to leave now for campus!

Italia, here we come!

Bags are packed, boarding passes are in hand, and our plane leaves in half an hour!

If you are part of our at-home support team, thanks for giving and praying! God has used your faithfulness, and now we're sitting in a Houston airport, excited to see what he will do through us in the next two weeks.

Five of us drove together to the airport in a borrowed pickup, sharing embarrassing stories from highschool and listening to a favorite comedian on YouTube. (Look up Brian Regan for good, clean humor!)

Our team is almost complete. We just met the lovely Karla, who joined us in the airport after she flew in from Mexico. In London, Julie will complete the team of nine, and then it's on to Italia!

Please pray for:
Safe Travel--we'd love to arrive without mishap and not lose any luggage!

Our hearts--we want to be flexible, easygoing, and allow God to lead us even in the details.

See you in Europe!

Light hearted

My eyes are heavy, but my heart is feeling lighter than it has felt in weeks!

Part of the lightness is due to the fact that I am now a FORMER student of Texas A&M University. Yes, by the grace of God, I am done with my college degree!

As we fluttered down the hallway in our polyester robes and tassels and rounded the corner, the huge, humming stadium opened to receive us. The girl beside me gasped. "Ohmygosh--this is happening!" It reminded me a little of the moment before I walked down the aisle at my wedding.  It was certainly less emotional, but there was the same sense of moment--that I was living my own history.

My diploma!

On stage, I gave our President a high five instead of shaking his hand. This was partially because he begged the 7,000 of us to be merciful with his poor overworked hand-shaking fingers, and partially because a high five is so much more celebratory than a handshake. :)

Afterward, there were hugs and pictures and playing with the diploma tube (because apparently it makes an amazing sound if opened fast), and then my families came together to celebrate.

Seriously, I love having two families through marriage! Each is so unique and beautiful, and I felt so incredibly loved to be surrounded by all of them. Sweet, generous friends came too, offering their hugs and conversation and time and gifts to the beautiful mix until the ice cream was melting and the windows were dark.

But the lightness I feel doesn't only come from relief at being finished with a difficult season of school. It doesn't even come from being done with work for a little while, (although that is VERY welcome!) It came softly, gradually, as a different kind of weight was lifted.

To be honest, I've been more than physically tired. I've been soul-beat these days. I told Jesus, "I know you're good", but it came out more as a challenge than a statement of glad fact. I've been afraid of failing at this new season of life, terrified that friendships will flake away or that I'll spend myself into a shred of perfectionism even when there are no teachers to give grades.

But today, God told me that He is taking care of me.

As my family prayed for hubby and I, I got a picture in my head of my joyful Savior.
His face was glowing like a parent who just can't WAIT to give his child a gift, or like a master chef who was about to excitedly unveil his masterpiece to dinner guests. He was spreading a table with sparkling linen and sweet drinks and cakes and roasted turkeys and anything delicious you can imagine-all of it appearing on a bare table like a magical scene from Narnia. And all of it--amazingly--for me.

Seeing God that way melted my heart. I often subconsciously weigh myself down with standards and rules and expectations. I begin believing that God is distant until I am perfect, as if I could earn his love.

How far from the truth! Grace is undeserved by definition. If I could earn His love, it wouldn't be grace. My true "job", if it can be called a job, is to believe and receive.

²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” - Jesus (Matthew 11:29-30)

"Mal De Debarquement"

I know I'm not the only one who's felt it: that sense that you’re still jolting, falling, vibrating or swaying even while you know you’ve stopped.

I’m having flashbacks to Velcro light-up shoes and sleepy car rides home. Orange streetlights flick by my window in rapid succession, reminding me of the giddy, whirling displays we just left. The glass is cool against my forehead. 

My sister spills her cheerios between the seats as her head nods drowsily.  

She looks sunburned.

I close my eyes too and at that moment the motion of the car tricks my senses—suddenly I am back in the red molded seat, hurtling down the polished track toward a sharp downward turn into nowhere.

 My stomach hovers, suspended—then down! The vibrations of our Toyota become a roaring clatter, and my insides lift themselves delightfully at every small pothole.

There is actually a fancy medical name for this condition: ‘mal de debarquement’. In other words, ‘illness of disembarkation’, or feeling unwell when you get off a boat. For us non-sailors, insert the word “rollercoaster”.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the best description I have of today. 

This morning, at 9:36 am, I disembarked from that crazy ride known as American Education. I conjugated my last pluperfect subjunctive, turned in my test with a grin, and walked out of there lighter than air. 

But when I close my eyes, I trick myself into thinking there is another paper, another test, another class next semester. I think it's going to take a while to get used to this new pace of life, especially since I'm not exactly settling into a routine. 

Graduation is Friday. Mission trip to Italy on Sunday. Driving to Colorado two weeks later, only to fly back home for job-hunting adventures and friend's weddings. This new ride sounds awesome to me!

But I'm not so sure I've left Academia behind for good...maybe I'll go back for another ride someday. :)

"Brain Child" and Transitions

 My paper-as-pregnancy analogy almost got a baby rumor started on Facebook this weekend when I posted this as my status:

“I feel like I just gave birth! My paper...this ginormous brain child...is finally all out on the page (ok, all 18 pages). Momma needs to sleep for a week.”

One of my overseas friends (who speaks Romanian as her first language) thought that I was talking about a REAL baby. Apparently the Americanism “brain child” doesn’t translate clearly.

Right now, the only school-related thing standing between me and graduation is my Spanish final exam. I wish I could say it will be a breeze, but my mind gets so turned around when confronted by the minute differences between the zillion verb conjugations ….  So it’s safe to say I have one more heavy day of study before I’m in the clear. I know that God will give me strength to persevere!

“Skillful Navigation of Transitions”

As I recovered from the sleepless night on Thursday, I was reading friend’s blogs (what else do you do when sleep-deprived, right?) and I came across a post by my Uncle Dave.

Aside: This particular uncle is like a walking, balding skyscraper chock-full of wisdom, witticisms and puns. He is the pastor of a large church in Houston, and granddad to five. He is also an excellent writer. In this case, he was sharing his thoughts on a book called Transitions by William Bridges. Ok, on to the article.

In it, he writes about something that all of us have experienced: losing something we didn’t want to lose.

It may be severe—like losing a parent. 

It may be mild—like getting a stubborn stain on a favorite T-shirt. 

But in every case, there are three stages:

1)    Death—this is when “something ends.” It may be a literal death, or simply the end of a loved season of life, a job, etc.

2)    Chaos and Confusion—the emotions we feel in the aftermath, like confusion, anger, sadness and anxiety because we don’t see a solution in sight.

3)    Rebirth—In this stage, the void we felt is now filled, even if the precious thing or person we lost can never be exactly replaced. We no longer feel confusion, and the grief has faded into acceptance or even beauty.

This resonated with me, because it gave a name to my recent emotions about friends, and about graduation. As friends move away, something ends, even if the friendship lives on in facebook chats and blogs. As I graduate, something ends, even if the next phase is full and beautiful. I guess I’ve been...grieving...in a mild way. 

His advice for each step can be boiled down to one thing: “Stay close to the Shepherd”.

In stage one, we can’t ignore the pain or say it doesn’t hurt. We have to be authentic with ourselves and let the grieving happen. Oh, and this is a biggie: “resist the urge to self-medicate”. Above all, get close to God.

In stage two, we have to fight the tendency to withdraw or give in to pessimism. Stay connected to people. Test their advice with clear thinking and prayer. (Aka, stay close to the Shepherd again).

Stage three is all about thankfulness for the rebirth that has happened (to who else? Jesus). Cherish it and share the story—it might encourage people who lost something similar but are still in stage 1 or 2.

Good stuff for my heart. To read the full article, click here. 

No Worrying Allowed

All this mental stretching, the waiting, the groaning under the weight of everything that I have to do.

Hmm...I think final exam week must be a small taste of what the final stage of pregnancy is like.

A) Pregnant girls can't go to the rec center and work out very hard, and neither can I.

B) They can't get very good sleep, and neither can I. 

C) They also have weird cravings for certain snack foods. (My craving: salted, roasted almonds, mixed with chocolate chips.)

If it's not a good comparison, my pregnant friend, Mrs. Kroeger, can correct me later. 

In the meantime, here's a little guy who made me smile today while I was walking on campus: 

Someone put a bowl of food for him outside their office window. Mr. Squirrel was so absorbed in his meal that he hardly noticed as I crept close and snapped this shot with my phone. 

It brought to mind something that my Savior said one day to a crowd: 

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:25-34) 

Yes. My heart totally needed that reminder. If God feeds this little squirrel, He can certainly give me enough time and energy to finish this paper. 

And to get ready for graduation. 

And to pack for Italy.

And to train my replacement at work. 

He is faithful. :)