My eyes are heavy, but my heart is feeling lighter than it has felt in weeks!
Part of the lightness is due to the fact that I am now a FORMER student of Texas A&M University. Yes, by the grace of God, I am done with my college degree!
As we fluttered down the hallway in our polyester robes and tassels and rounded the corner, the huge, humming stadium opened to receive us. The girl beside me gasped. "Ohmygosh--this is happening!" It reminded me a little of the moment before I walked down the aisle at my wedding. It was certainly less emotional, but there was the same sense of moment--that I was living my own history.
On stage, I gave our President a high five instead of shaking his hand. This was partially because he begged the 7,000 of us to be merciful with his poor overworked hand-shaking fingers, and partially because a high five is so much more celebratory than a handshake. :)
Afterward, there were hugs and pictures and playing with the diploma tube (because apparently it makes an amazing sound if opened fast), and then my families came together to celebrate.
Seriously, I love having two families through marriage! Each is so unique and beautiful, and I felt so incredibly loved to be surrounded by all of them. Sweet, generous friends came too, offering their hugs and conversation and time and gifts to the beautiful mix until the ice cream was melting and the windows were dark.
But the lightness I feel doesn't only come from relief at being finished with a difficult season of school. It doesn't even come from being done with work for a little while, (although that is VERY welcome!) It came softly, gradually, as a different kind of weight was lifted.
To be honest, I've been more than physically tired. I've been soul-beat these days. I told Jesus, "I know you're good", but it came out more as a challenge than a statement of glad fact. I've been afraid of failing at this new season of life, terrified that friendships will flake away or that I'll spend myself into a shred of perfectionism even when there are no teachers to give grades.
But today, God told me that He is taking care of me.
As my family prayed for hubby and I, I got a picture in my head of my joyful Savior.
His face was glowing like a parent who just can't WAIT to give his child a gift, or like a master chef who was about to excitedly unveil his masterpiece to dinner guests. He was spreading a table with sparkling linen and sweet drinks and cakes and roasted turkeys and anything delicious you can imagine-all of it appearing on a bare table like a magical scene from Narnia. And all of it--amazingly--for me.
Seeing God that way melted my heart. I often subconsciously weigh myself down with standards and rules and expectations. I begin believing that God is distant until I am perfect, as if I could earn his love.
How far from the truth! Grace is undeserved by definition. If I could earn His love, it wouldn't be grace. My true "job", if it can be called a job, is to believe and receive.
Part of the lightness is due to the fact that I am now a FORMER student of Texas A&M University. Yes, by the grace of God, I am done with my college degree!
As we fluttered down the hallway in our polyester robes and tassels and rounded the corner, the huge, humming stadium opened to receive us. The girl beside me gasped. "Ohmygosh--this is happening!" It reminded me a little of the moment before I walked down the aisle at my wedding. It was certainly less emotional, but there was the same sense of moment--that I was living my own history.
-002.JPG) |
| My diploma! |
On stage, I gave our President a high five instead of shaking his hand. This was partially because he begged the 7,000 of us to be merciful with his poor overworked hand-shaking fingers, and partially because a high five is so much more celebratory than a handshake. :)
Afterward, there were hugs and pictures and playing with the diploma tube (because apparently it makes an amazing sound if opened fast), and then my families came together to celebrate.
Seriously, I love having two families through marriage! Each is so unique and beautiful, and I felt so incredibly loved to be surrounded by all of them. Sweet, generous friends came too, offering their hugs and conversation and time and gifts to the beautiful mix until the ice cream was melting and the windows were dark.
But the lightness I feel doesn't only come from relief at being finished with a difficult season of school. It doesn't even come from being done with work for a little while, (although that is VERY welcome!) It came softly, gradually, as a different kind of weight was lifted.
To be honest, I've been more than physically tired. I've been soul-beat these days. I told Jesus, "I know you're good", but it came out more as a challenge than a statement of glad fact. I've been afraid of failing at this new season of life, terrified that friendships will flake away or that I'll spend myself into a shred of perfectionism even when there are no teachers to give grades.
But today, God told me that He is taking care of me.
As my family prayed for hubby and I, I got a picture in my head of my joyful Savior.
His face was glowing like a parent who just can't WAIT to give his child a gift, or like a master chef who was about to excitedly unveil his masterpiece to dinner guests. He was spreading a table with sparkling linen and sweet drinks and cakes and roasted turkeys and anything delicious you can imagine-all of it appearing on a bare table like a magical scene from Narnia. And all of it--amazingly--for me.
Seeing God that way melted my heart. I often subconsciously weigh myself down with standards and rules and expectations. I begin believing that God is distant until I am perfect, as if I could earn his love.
How far from the truth! Grace is undeserved by definition. If I could earn His love, it wouldn't be grace. My true "job", if it can be called a job, is to believe and receive.
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