Five Minute Friday :: Finish

It is Monday, but I sit on the floor in my sister's room, a hundred miles away from my office.

The prompt this week is finish. In the grief and mingled joy of the past few days, the word sits at home in my heart. 

For Lisa-Jo, the wonderful mommy blogger who has hosted this link up for over 5 years, the word signals the passing of the baton. She wrote so beautifully this week about finishing your piece of a story. A story that was never yours to begin with because all stories are inherited and gifted to you for a time. She is passing the baton to her dear friend, Kate Motaung, who I am excited to read and come to know as I have come to love Lisa-Jo.

FINISH

I get glimpses of the truth when the baby I just held is suddenly in pre-school, or when I wonder how college could be behind me already. 

Life is short, but most of my hours slip past unnoticed-- a given rather than a gift. 

On Thursday my phone buzzed for the second time against my leg. I was sitting in a friend’s living room, surrounded by my homegroup as we worshipped to the strumming of a guitar.

I stepped out into the humidity to answer the call and my heart stood still at Dad’s words.

“Cherise, your uncle passed away today in his sleep.”

My tears flowed warm, steadily wetting my husband’s shirt as he held me. I cried for my uncle. I cried for us. I especially cried for my sweet aunt and two cousins who will now have to live without their dad. He was a fixture of our family, a constant in my memories of Christmases and dinners and reunions.

He was sixty years young.

Life is short. It’s easy to assume that the trajectory we are riding will continue, that we have time to make that phone call, forgive that friend, learn contentment, finally do that thing.

But the finish line could be closer than we dreamed. 

Five Minute Friday:: Belong

One of my favorite bloggers, Lisa-Jo Baker, gave this prompt last week, and I jotted the following poem down in ragged spare minutes that never unfolded into enough time to actually post. Usually, she gives the 1-word prompt late Thursday night, and a community of bloggers around the globe take 5 minutes to simply write--no editing or re-thinking allowed! Then we post our links and leave encouragement on each other's blogs.

I'm too late to join the party this week, so this one almost stayed in the draft pile, but my hubby encouraged me to publish it anyway.

I remembered truth as I wrote. I remembered that this--the universal longing for belonging--is an ache whose remedy was costly, but was given freely. We can rest here.

Prompt: Belong

We ache and we long
to belong.

Every middle-aged teen
and geriatric child
and stodge-faced youth
will understand.

Long after parents
are gone
is the ache to be welcomed,
havened,
cuddled close and long
and told
You are mine.

We ache and we long
to be loved.

Every Joe-Doe-Blow,
perfectionista,
and black-faced sheep
will understand.

And when the shape of it
unclouds,
it's the want to be seen,
admired,
heard deep, understood
and told
You have worth.

He aches and He longs
to gather us.
He rises with compassion
to show.
It throbs deep
and pours out red
with costly welcome
for every middle-aged teen
geriatric child
stodgy youth
Joe-Doe-Blow
perfectionista
and black-faced sheep.

You are mine. 
I gave you worth. 

My sister's secret is out!

I've been itching to blog this news for what feels like forever, but it wasn't my secret to tell. However, now that the real owners of the secret have put the news on facebook, I can tell the world that...

MY SISTER, SHARON, IS HAVING A BABY!!

**Cue the flash mob dancing, fireworks and other means of extravagant celebration!!**

Sometime shortly after Christmas, she and my brother-in-law will welcome a new little Someone, and all of us are thrilled! It's grandchild #14 for his parents, but for mine, it's #1!

Every grandchild will be special of course, but this one, by simply being first, gives each of us a new label.

Mom is now also Grandma.
Dad becomes Abuelo.
We three sisters are suddenly Aunties. (I became an instant aunt to the most adorable kids on the planet when I married hubby, but now I'll be an Auntie on both sides!)

Being the creative genius that she is, my sister came up with an adorable way to announce the pregnancy. Mom had been wanting a photo album of their wedding pictures for several years, so my sister created the books for both sets of parents and then placed a small card in the pocket in the back cover.

The front of the card said, "The adventure continues..."

...and here is what they saw on the inside!

My brother-in-law secretly caught their reactions on video, and it's absolutely priceless. Enjoy!

A letter to the bride

Little cousin, you were so lovely that weekend, radiant in your womanhood and your love.

You ran to us the night we arrived for your rehearsal dinner, all glowing and breathless with arms flung wide, and I felt like years and miles hadn't mattered at all.

You are no longer the doe-eyed little girl who made flower chains with my sister and begged us Olders to "be the bad guys" for your games. You no longer climb trees barefoot, sharing secrets with the Twin Cousin and concocting pranks for your big brother.

That was precious, but this, this new season you've joined us in--this is glorious.

You made those forever promises as you stood in your lace, and I leaned close to my own love and let the vows re-imprint themselves on my resolve.

You will see--weddings get a new layer of richness and meaning after you have your own.

The East Coasters were the last pockets of family to finally meet my husband. It felt like your new love and mine were initiated into the clan on the same fun-filled, rain-blessed weekend. Every outrageous game of Brandi Dog and Farkle, every crochet stitch taught--they turned our far-flung lives into community again and I remembered how much I love our family.

The couple that started it all: Grandma and Grandpa Beekman

Sweet cousin, I love you. I love the love I see in you, between you both, and pouring out to everyone within reach.

I pray you keep choosing love. Keep choosing humility.
I pray you keep choosing to open yourselves to friendships, even when they move away or get pregnant before you do or take a while to return your calls.
That you will have grace for the budgeting foibles that will come.
That you find a beautiful new "family culture" as you discover how to do the oneness of marriage.

Aaaaannnd I secretly pray that you move to Texas. (Because that would be awesome!)

When an old fear gets a facelift

"Now I drawed socks, see?"

 

Her eyes, heavily rimmed with dense lashes, were so blue. She clutched the percussion egg in one hand and the pen in the other as she created an elaborate family portrait. 

 

With socks.

Her little sister climbed into my lap momentarily to clasp my neck, only to leap off a moment later and run to where her daddy sat.

 

The parents were traveling, documenting the state of the evangelical church in Europe. With them were their three kids, ages 4, 3, and 1.

 

It was beautiful to watch them.

 

There was a time I believed that missions was only for single people. Because of this, I feared marriage. 

I was petrified by the fear that love for a man might crowd out my First Love. Now my fears seem small and silly. Two people who the same Lord can be a powerful expression of who He is. The marriage can become a living picture of the grace of God, the faithfulness of God, the community of God.

Watching that beautiful family, I felt...surprise? And then I was surprised at my surprise.

 

I suddenly saw that my stinky old fear had never really died--it had just leveled-up a notch. 

Now the fear whispers that mommy-hood will absorb any chance of being involved full-throttle in the Great Commission. 

 

And I know how ridiculous this sounds. How un-true it is. But fears defy logic and truth much of the time.

 

 

I fear missing out.

 

I fear isolation and stereotyping from younger, kid-less friends.

 

I fear losing my passion for Jesus in a wilderness of diapers and spit-up and soccer practice.

 

I fear losing my identity, of being just "so-and-so's mom".

 

Can anyone else relate?

 

 

But somewhere in the tangle of my unease, I feel Jesus whispering to my anxious heart.

 

Daughter, do not fear losing yourself; this is how you find true life.

 

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." (Matthew 16:25)

 

 

And right along all these whispers of truth, He is gently breaking down the fences I erect between myself and Change. Little nudges.

 

With each new baby in our circle of friends, each new announcement of "Guess what--?!", the idea of family has earned familiarity.

 

He also keeps letting me stumble upon amazing blog posts on this topic. Like this one that made me cry, or this one about surrendering the desire for a life on the mission field that sounded like a twin heartbeat of my post from last year. And then, just this morning, I came across this beautiful post about trusting the Lord with change.

 

I'm so glad my Jesus is gentle with me. I'm getting there.