You prayed, this happened.

We're halfway through the bag of espresso from Milan, which means it's high time for an update on how your prayers impacted those two weeks!

*Coffee in Milan, not my kitchen. I wish!

Instead of going on the mission trip as I have for the past three summers, the Lord asked me to stay here while hubs led the team. When I asked God to show me His plans for those two weeks, I got a clear answer. Pray. Pray with other people. 

And many of you did, both online and in the blue living room across from my house.

From my heart--thank you. From the hearts of Italians and Asians who had no idea you prayed--thank you. Your courageous minutes spent in prayer mattered.

Only two of these people knew you were praying for them!

Some of you joined the online prayer team, covering each day of the trip via email. 
Those moments set aside while you were sitting at those stop lights, brushing your teeth or standing in line at Starbucks to pray--they counted. They rose like sweet incense, doing battle on behalf of real people with real situations who encountered a real God during those two weeks.

Some of you came to the twenty-four hour prayer meeting in College Station. 
This was so exciting! I had never done anything like this before. It was humbling, exhilarating, and exhausting.

I want you to know that the sleep you sacrificed to come to the apartment in the small hours of midnight, praying on the curling carpet for people you would never meet on earth--it was seen by the Lord of Heaven's Armies. Your prayers meant the world half a world away.

The team felt the difference.
Thanks to an international texting plan, we were able to send encouragement and get up-to-the-minute news from the team during the trip, especially during the 24-hour prayer meeting. It was thrilling to sit on the opposite side of the globe and pray for a conversation happening thousands of miles away, knowing that our God was working.

Here are some specific prayers you prayed, and the response God gave:

1. You prayed that God would give our team the emotional energy to keep going. 

On a team of seven people, five were introverts. For you extroverts reading this, please take my word for it--twelve-hour days filled to the brim with challenging conversations can be extraordinarily draining.
 But the Lord gave the energy we asked for! The quieter ones on the team reported that they were surprised at their own ability to keep engaging in conversations long after their reserves would normally have sputtered out.

2. You asked Him to heal one of the girls on our team, who was sick with stomach cramps. 

The stomach pains ended up being something more serious than a simple virus, and she has spent much of the past week in the hospital. However, we praise God that the hospital visit was not needed until after she had returned from Italy! Please continue to keep her in your prayers.

3. You asked God for unity, and wisdom for the team leader.  

As his wife, this special request for my man really meant a lot to me. He told me later, after the jetlag began to wear off, that he definitely felt the Lord giving him wisdom in some challenging situations. The unity of our team was a key component in the success of the trip.

4. You prayed for students to trust in Jesus Christ.

We have a new brother and a new sister! Amelia*, a Chinese student studying in Italy, befriended our team during the first week. She had heard the gospel in Italian before, but it was not until a girl on our team, also from China, explained salvation in her heart language that it finally clicked. She still has many questions, and we were excited to hear that she met with one of the long-term missionaries just last Sunday to talk about Jesus more.

Marco* decided to follow Jesus as a result of a lunch conversation with two of the guys on our team during the second week. As each of them told about the difference that knowing Jesus has made in their lives, he leaned in eagerly. They sketched a simple bridge to illustrate how Jesus made a way for man to return to a holy God, and he said "yes--I want that."

The team was not just the seven people who got on a plane in Houston. It was also every one of you who prayed. Thank you for being part of God's work in Milan, Italy. 

*Names changed to protect our friend's privacy.

Keeping up with the Castilles:: Debt, Dancing, and Deaconization

Hello, my sweet family and friends!

Obligatory bluebonnet picture. The sun was bright. :P

It's been a while since I visited this little patch of internet. The sheer volume of documents at work has kept my fingers tapping constantly, and they feel the ache of repetitive motion by the end of the day. Most evenings, I can't wait to grab my gym bag and give my body a chance to sweat out the stiffness of a day spent sitting. 

Not only does my body shun the thought of sitting at the computer, sometimes words are just...gone.

For a highly verbal external processor who majored in Communication, it is an odd feeling to reach inside and find nothing.

Uhhhhhhh...me no have words. Come back later. 

But the Lord has been good. In the middle of the constant phone ringing at work, I feel His presence. When I'm feverishly typing out thirty emails, processing over a hundred new documents, and telling the tenth student in a row how to run a degree evaluation, He is with me, giving me gentleness when I just don't have any left to give out.

And He keeps giving me times of refreshing. There was a recent tickle fight with my husband. There were tacos shared at our tiny table with friends. And check out the new flowers popping up in my garden!

But since it's been a while--and because last week enjoyd a rare vacation in Dallas and had some time to work on a post--I thought I should take the chance to catch you up on some recent highlights. 

Here's the first one, and it's a doozy....

WE ARE DEBT FREE!!

When I met my hubby, he had paid off his loans. But then he said "I do", and cheerfully agreed to start from ground zero with mine.

After two and a half years of renting small, driving old, (and the generosity of my sweet Grandma Elaine who set up an amazing little trust fund for each grandchild at our births), we sent the last payment for my student loans two weeks ago!

Actual photo of the last payment! 

Oh, there was no sweeter sound than that last mouse click. We totally did a happy dance in our living room. Thank you, God!


SPEAKING OF DANCING...

 The students in our homegroup threw an amazing, retro dance party for my man's 34th birthday! Everyone picked a decade, and we *literally* tore up the vinyl dance floor with music spanning every era of the past century.

There were twinkling lights, a photo backdrop bedecked with handmade paper discs, chocolate covered strawberries, and even--to my allergy-prone husband's delight--a gluten free chocolate cake! Seriously, those girls outdid themselves.

I have a personal theory that most of us weren't done playing dress up by the time we reached the age when we were too cool to do such things. And this is why adult costume parties exist.

My hubby was genuinely touched. In all the years that he has been leading a homegroup,  the students had never before thrown such an amazing party for him. He felt so loved and celebrated.

And then last Sunday, we celebrated for another reason...

HUBBY BECAME A DEACON!

This step has seriously brought us to our knees, totally flabbergasted at the goodness of God. When my husband came to our church in 2003, he was a college junior with spiked hair, energy that would rival a twelve year old, and no real concept of community.

Since then, my man has been mentored, discipled, trained, and encouraged by godly men in our church. As the years have gone by, he has become a mentor, a trainer, an encourager for younger men, all while continuing to receive love, correction and support from others.

It's a beautiful cycle as we build up each other. When all serve, all are served. 

As he and the husband of my friend stood at the front of the church to be named deacons, our pastors prayed, and I bowed my head over my open hands.

I've realized that receiving the title "deacon" is a bit like being officially named a janitor. Deacon is literally Greek for servant. And serving means continually dying to self, continually allowing the Lord to empty you--of pride, of expectations, of yourself. It isn't glamorous, self-fulfilling, or comfortable.

But Jesus served. He died to himself in every way imaginable, all the way to the ultimate obedience at the cross. And if serving knits us closer to his heart, makes us more like Him, then I say bring it on.

Italy this year looks different

I *almost* posted this Wednesday, but it was the first of April, and the common wisdom says that nothing posted on April Fools Day should be trusted as fact.

I wanted you to believe me when I tell you this.

After much prayer and thought, I have decided to remain state-side this year while my husband goes back to Milan in May.

To explain why, let me tell you the story.

Around November, as I was praying for my friends in Italy and for the coming mission trip, I felt a hesitancy that was as unexpected as it was strong. Why does this year feel different? I wondered.

 The following week, my beautiful younger sister got a sparkling rock on her left hand. A wedding was quickly set for June. Only a few short weeks later, my other sister and her husband welcomed a sweet baby girl to our family. In our close-knit clan, babies and weddings are all-hands-on-deck affairs--a chance to pour love through action and presence.

I was torn. On the one hand, I could not wait to see my friends in Milan. I longed to grieve with the church there over the recent death of one of the missionaries, to continue the conversations about life and Jesus with those I met in the last three years, and to feel the joy of serving alongside my husband in a place we've both come to love.

On the other hand was a growing desire to grasp these momentous moments with my sisters. But it felt almost selfish to consider choosing family over a mission trip.

There was not enough vacation for both.

However, as I prayed, I became convinced that loving my sisters and their families was this year's mission. And, as I realized several years ago, even spiritual things like a mission trip overseas can be downright disobedient if the Lord is asking me to do something else.

So while it feels odd to reach March without a flurry of support-raising, I am filled with peace. When I get home and see the coffee cups from an Italy meeting cluttering the countertop by the sink, I smile, knowing that God has hand-picked these seven volunteers. It is a good team, and they will succeed.

And that's not all.

God has been dropping ideas into the now-peaceful pool of my heart. Each one sends excited ripples to the very edges of me until I can hardly sit still! I may be here, an ocean away from the team for two weeks, but those two weeks have a purpose. The purpose is slowly forming into a plan, but that will have to wait until the next post. :)

Stay tuned! 

Texas isn't so big after all

After our recent camping trip with our homegroup, I am re-convinced of two things:

1. Food cooked over a fire just tastes better!
2. And God has a sense of humor that is as generous as it is mischievous.

Eight of us drove over the wildflowered Texan countryside to finally arrive after dark. It was the first camping trip several of the girls had ever taken, but they were great sports about the bugs and sleeping on the ground!

We even pitched our tent before before the guys had theirs up. (Not that it was a race or anything.)

I'm no outdoor expert, but my childhood is crowded with memories of helping Daddy set up our big three-room tent, of marshmallows browned to perfection over dancing flames, and of milky air full of morning sunshine as we rolled out of our sleeping bags. Other families went to Disneyland or Vegas--this was our vacation of choice. We reveled in the gloriously unscheduled freedom of unexplored woods and lakes and the chance to play with learn how to responsibly build a fire.

That weekend the weather was straight out of a camping magazine: crisp and cool evenings, with warm, breezy middays that made you wistful for a hammock. The night was cool and bright with stars. The group built a fire and talked for hours as the moon traced a path on the lake.

 The next morning, we had just finished some delicious breakfast tacos when it happened.

Hubby slyly tugged on my shoulder and pointed to the road. There, walking along toward us were my AUNT AND UNCLE and two of their dear friends!

My Uncle Dave was able to film my reaction with his iPhone. Enjoy this short clip of my shock:

Apparently, my aunt and uncle were camping with their friends only six campsites down the way. My husband and uncle had bumped into each other earlier that morning at the bathroom shared by all the campsites in our loop. They walked past each other before recognition kicked in, but once they realized the connect, they cooked up a plan to surprise the rest of us.

We even got to Facetime my parents and let them in on the reunion!

 

Avoiding ministry burnout

Ever heard of Perspectives? For years, I've heard stories of life-change from anyone lucky enough to take this rich, intensive 15-week course on missions. We have a joke that no one can talk about Perspectives without using the word "perspective"...because, well, a new perspective on missions, on God and even--or especially--their own relationship to Him is what everyone leaves with.

 

So when hubby and I started Perspectives this spring, I was expecting to be changed on a global scale for global mission. But this was different. This was much closer to home.

 

Somewhere in Lesson 2, I arrived at the article by Tim Dearborn entitled “Beyond Duty”. He wrote about the tendency for many churches and mission agencies to motivate people into missions using “bad news”.  It all sounded so familiar:

 

Statistics of the hundreds of thousands dying without Christ.

Photos of malnourished children in Sudan.

Overwhelming numbers of martyrs dying each year for their faith...

and on and on.

 

Not only did it remind me of sermons and mission conferences, it reminded me of my own prayers in the past: full of heavy tears and a crushing burden for the lost and broken.

 

In Dearborn’s own words, I had “worked myself into exhaustion with exhortations to give more, do more, be more, care more, serve more, love more, sacrifice more,” but I always ended by feeling hopelessly inadequate for the task.

 

Because of course, I was.

 

And then, this:

“Mission is ultimately not a human response to human need. …Lack of interest in mission…is best remedied by intensifying people’s passion for Christ, so that the passions of his heart become the passions that propel our hearts.”

 

Wait, mission is not human response to human need? *mind blown*

 

As I sat with highlighter poised, God began to clarify truth even beyond what Dearborn had written. Human-centered motivations, because they originate in finite humans, will always be limited. No matter how earnest my compassion, no matter how much I immerse myself in knowledge of the world’s needs, no matter how much zeal I fan into flame with my own will, it will all fall flat eventually because I myself am finite.

 

An Infinite Source is needed.

 

Suddenly He whisperered to my exhausted heart. Cherise, this is part of why you felt burned-out in your homegroup.

 

Me: Ohhhhhhhhh.

 

I realized that I had served and lead from a dry well of self-generated desires and passions to serve human needs rather than from a simple, pure desire to love and please my Father. When the people I served became hard to love or did not return my friendship, I fizzled. I was counting on my own compassion and love to sustain me, but (shocker!) it proved a poor source for long-term sustainability.

 

It turns out that the same incomplete motivations for global mission are just as incomplete on the home-front.

 

BUT there is a higher motive that is a deep well, never running dry! It has nurtured and upheld missionaries in generations past, enabling them to give and serve for years without thanks, without praise, without the support of community or the comforts of home.

 

It is this: The glory of His Name. His honor. God receiving the praise He deserves.

 

If I live for His praise, I won't be living for mine (and won't be crushed when I don't receive it.)

 

I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be a lesson learned over and over. 

 

Time for an Avalanche update!

The beautiful times with our homegroup just keep coming, piling up softly. And then one day I glance behind and stand in jaw-dropped amazement at how God has grown our little community.

I’m not just talking about numbers (even though they’ve doubled since last year!).

I’m talking about a rising level of silliness that shows we’ve gotten comfy with each other. 

Disney's "Frozen" has been quoted non-stop in our group this semester! Random singing breaks out frequently. It may be partly because our homegroup's name, Avalanche, lends itself nicely to the Frozen theme.

I’m talking about inside jokes and vulnerable things shared at late hours after homegroup is over and crazy dress-up games and retreats where hearts are changed.

Because it’s all about Jesus changing our core selves, continually re-creating his creations into the newness he purchased with his death.

I’m learning more and more that He loves to use the tumbler of community to do this changing, softening us and turning us inside out like clothes in a dryer.

This spring we are marching through Romans together. I must have read it a gajillion times before, but this time Paul's words are like fresh water, spilling through the dust of self-sufficiency that settles whenever I take my eyes off the free gift of grace. I had the opportunity to teach Romans 3 last week, and as I prepared, my heart was soaking it in thirstily. We're wrestling with God's justice, the Law, and the fact that grace is un-earned even after we first receive it.

Because all our sin was future when Christ paid for it. And no future sin can cause Him to un-forgive a forgiven one.

And last month we asked a new girl onto the leadership team!

Meet Bree, a freshman who has blessed our group with her faithfulness and willingness to serve ever since she dove in last fall. As our group grew, we were praying for new leaders, and God is providing!

The men's and women's retreats were awesome! Or so I hear from those who went. In a sad twist of the calendar, an out-of-town-and-not-to-be-missed baby shower for a sweet friend and my sister's 21st birthday both coincided with the women's retreat.But don't feel too bad for me--I had a blast with these ladies and tons of heart-filling conversations with my sweet sisters, biological and not!

The theme of the ladies retreat was "Enough", and every girl I've talked to has gushed to me about how freeing it was to realize that God is sufficient for us, always with us, never running out of love or grace or power for us, the weak ones.

Enjoy a few more pictures of our shenanigans! 

For Valentines Day, we played a REAL LIFE version of the board game, Clue! How awesome is that?? We all dressed up, the guys surprised us by serving us dinner, and a few of us actually came in costume as characters from the movie (see below!)

Ellen as Miss Scarlet, and Yours Truly as Ms. Peacock. 

Ok, now we're in character. 

We had to take a we-got-dressed-up selfie...

Last weekend we had an amazing girl hangout while the guys had their retreat! Healthy chocolate chip pancakes (is that an oxymoron?), and Just Dance!

And...don't even ask. :)

Sock Monkey in a Shoebox

Some things come full circle and smack you surprised.

Our homegroups have a tradition that plops Christmas into our consciousness a full week before Thanksgiving: the annual Operation Christmas Child shoebox-filling-party.

Picture if you can, a swarm of college students dashing around Target and Wally World collecting slinkys, teddy bears, coloring books, t-shirts and other school supplies and hygiene items. Each one is trying hard to think like a kid. Now, what did I like at age nine again?

Then it’s back to the rendezvous. Bulk items are parceled out, Christmas paper flies, and someone’s Pandora station is set loud on A Charlie Brown Christmas as the boxes are lovingly filled.

Even before becoming involved in homegroups, I remember filling shoeboxes with my family. Each box had a note from me, including my address, just in case.

One year it happened! A Venezuelan girl received my box and actually replied. Her letter sparked a pen-pal-ship that lasted several years. To this day, we are friends via social media.

I was telling this story in homegroup the week before the box-filling party when one of our new freshman girls piped up.

"I got one of those boxes when I was little."

Every head swiveled to her, and eyes got big.

She told us that when she was eight or nine, her church in Central America distributed the boxes. It was a complete suprise. "I got a sock monkey," she said. "He was so cute!"

She told us she felt so loved knowing that someone she'd never met had given her a gift. 

If you'd like to get involved in Operation Christmas Child, click here for information and fun videos of kids opening their shoeboxes!

Close to the Brokenhearted

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." -Psalm 34:18

This is one of those verses that gets highlighted in almost every Bible. We write it in sympathy cards, and it's a favorite in Christian bookstores. When we are brokenhearted, this promise of God's nearness is pure comfort-food for the heart.

But today when I read it, God brought the faces of these brokenhearted ones to mind instead.

Ever since last Friday, when Typhoon Haiyan ripped through the Philippines, images like this have been flooding the news.

Bodies lie buried under the rubble of their homes or out in the open, rotting. On Wednesday morning, the death toll stood at 2,275, and the Phillippine government estimates that over 582,000 are now homeless.*

As staggering as these numbers are, the real danger is the health crisis that now looms with medicines, food, and clean water dwindling. Relief has been arriving, but with roads impassable, most of it is bottlenecking at the airports. If doctors, shelter, food, water, and medicines don't arrive soon, the death toll from hunger and dysentery will quickly dwarf the original casualties from the storm.

And even if all relief arrives in time, how does one simply move on after finding your 4-year old under a tarp at a makeshift morgue? 

And the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

A beautiful truth, but how will they know it? If this statement remains only sentiment, thousands will die. 

The closeness of Jesus is meant to be tangible, just as he came himself in a literal, touchable body. Emmanuel--God with us--meant a baby who teethed, a boy who skinned his knees, and a man who touched the untouchables with very literal hands. 

Today, the Church--God in us--means that we who profess to follow Jesus must show his closeness to the broken with our practical help, our literal bank accounts, and even our physical presence. 

Why does God comfort us?  So that "we can comfort those in any trouble with the same comfort we ourselves receive from God." (2 Corinthians 1:4)

In other words, we are part of a Divine pay-it-forward, not for warm fuzzies or so that we can look good on facebook, but so that those crushed in spirit will be saved. 

If you sense God asking you to take action for the typhoon survivors, please pray about giving to one of the organizations below within the next 12 hours. At this point, hours matter. 

The Philippine Red Cross has teams on the ground to help with rescue and relief.

UNICEF is providing food, medicine and clean water to children affected by the typhoon. 

Doctors Without Borders is sending teams of doctors, surgeons, water and sanitation experts.

If you are looking for a list of other organizations that are helping with this tragedy, click here. 

*The stats in this post were taken from this CNN news article.

Five Minute Friday:: Together

Today I am linking up with Five Minute Friday, a writing exercise where you set a timer for five minutes and write on a specific topic until it chimes at you to lift your fingers from the keyboard. You can join in here!

This week's prompt: TOGETHER
_________________________________________________________________


Alone is clean.

 

Alone is well-ordered.

Alone is never impinged-upon, infringed upon, or barged-in upon.

Alone is me, myself and I and my dreams and get out of my way because I’m the star of this show.

But alone is lonely. And God Himself said that a single person alone—even in paradise—was not a good deal.
The perfectly unified, triune community decided to replicate this one last aspect of Himself in man. He made a marriage, which made a family, which made a populace of others.

And these were not meant to be loners, these others. They must inter-marry and inter-depend and inter-weave their lives and stories. They must bow and submit to each other, honor each other, forgive each other, and a thousand other “each other” verbs that Jesus said and lived.

Broken as we are, together is hard.

Together is messy.

Together is toothpaste in the sink again and forgotten birthdays and hurt feelings and awkward Christmases and forgiveness again and again while we struggle against the urge to live as a hermit.

 

But together is what He asked for that night on His knees. And then he endured the alone to purchase community.

It was messy. It hurt. But He considered it worth it.

Stop

Global Week

Last week our church tried something new.

We have always been a “missional” church. We are dedicated to evangelism and discipleship both here in our college town and overseas. For years, we have had special partnerships with churches overseas in countries like Nigeria, Italy, and Mexico, and we send teams each year to those partners. (Shameless plug for the Italy mission trip! It will change your life!)

We usually talk about the trips in spaced-out spurts: Mexico one week, Nigeria another week.

Not this year.

This year, our leaders decided to streamline, focus, and intensify by creating Global Week: a seven day period of teachings, prayer, worship and information about Jesus' Great Commission. We had a free missions conference by The Traveling Team, a half-night of prayer, info lunches about each mission trip—the works.

To be honest, I was nervous about last week. I was afraid that all this talk of missions would rip the band-aid off the old, unmet desire to go to the ends of the earth. That it would poke the wound raw, stir up the discontent I had almost ignored.

Here is my old pattern:
1) I see a need.
2) It’s huge.
3) My heart breaks.
4) I jump to the rescue.

And just to clarify,“Rescue” usually involves prayer, tears, and an intense desire to sell my car and hop on a plane. In the end, I feel frustrated because I’m here, not there.

Like I said, this is the old pattern.

 On that Sunday as the last session by The Traveling Team ended and we folded our chairs to leave, I realized that something was missing. The heart-wrenching, hopeless, urgent feeling was gone. In its place was a quiet, growing excitement to be so stratigically placed.

I remembered with a jolt that almost every hero of the Traveling Team’s stories was a man or woman whose most meaningful work was the mobilization of students. They were willing to go themselves, but humble enough to realize that God’s glory is often more magnified through community than through a single man or woman's zeal. It made me feel honored—not displaced—to be living here among college students.

After all, what could be more strategic?

He has placed me here. Until he reassigns me, I will be faithful in this place, with these students, with these kids and the kids on our street. At this moment, I simply feel content to pray, trusting that God will tell me the next step.

If you’d like to read more, check out this post, in which I realized that staying and sending can sometimes be radical obedience.

Women's Retreat

To those of you who prayed (about a month ago! Ha!) that the Women’s Retreat would be restful—thank you! It was sweet rest for my heart, even if I did sacrifice sleep to talk with friends.

The theme of this year’s retreat was “Thrive”. Most days I feel like I’m surviving, but not necessarily thriving. Like Thoreau, I long to “live deep and suck all the marrow out of life”(Walden). I want to thrive, but what does that even look like?

In our fast-paced culture, thriving is often interpreted as “having it all”—money, looks, friends, vacation time, smart kids—whatever defines success in your section of the country. But numerous studies show that having more stuff and living larger and faster doesn’t necessarily equate to more happiness. Instead, we stress ourselves out and have to see therapists. Or drink coffee.

And does personal happiness give good measure of a life is well-lived? This definition fits my selfish tendencies just fine, but as a Christian, I know that there is a higher goal: Christ Himself. To know Him, his person-hood, his agenda, his love for people and the Father—this is great end and delight for which we were made.

And Jesus was pretty blunt: to follow him, we have to lay down our lives. Since He set aside His own personal comfort to rescue me, I’m foolish if I think I can follow him without doing the same.

Ok, but didn’t Jesus come to give us “abundant life”—the life that is truly life? (John 10:10) Obviously, he doesn’t define “the good life" the way we do in America. 

As we sat under the low-beamed ceiling and paper daisies strung for the occasion, wise women in our church began to flesh out a relational side of this whole elusive “thriving” thing for us. Here are some of my take-aways: 

A thriving life is one built solidly on relationship.
   With God
   With myself
   With others

Relationships are built upon time, trust, personal security, and the repeated, courageous decision to unwall my heart. 

These elements create communion, which begets community. And community is--despite the pain of past wounds--the natural state of man, the soil in which we thrive. 

Security in my relationship with God will greatly affect my ability to feel secure in friendships with other women. 


Practially, personally, (and hopefully less Hallmark-y), these tell me, "Okay Cherise, pursuing friendships is meaningful. Don't give up. It's worth it, even if friendships hurt sometimes."

Because I have wounds. Rubbed raw by insecurities, re-opened by perceived slights, the wounds are deeper and fresher than they should be. And it takes grace and courage--tenacious, faith-propped courage--to make that coffee date, that phone call.

And relational pain is part of the package called living. Jesus said some straightforward things about that too: "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart; I have overcome the world."

I came away from the retreat feeling like a fresh wind had blown through my musty thought patterns, loosening their hold and giving me renewed hope in friendships. I am loved. And I needed the reminder. 

Spring homegroup update!

It's about time for an update about homegroup! That is, after all, the fiber of the student ministry here at Fellowship Church, the rhythm of meetings and life in nourishing community.

We lost a lot of people last December: some to graduation and new grown-up jobs elsewhere, some to student teaching assignments in other cities. It's natural and expected--the population of a college town is in constant flux, and students themselves are in transition...but I was sad. I miss people when they leave.

This is why the perpetual prayer for those of us in college ministry is,  "Jesus, send us new people you have in mind, people who are hungry for you."

One way He is answering that prayer is through a sweet girl who isn't exactly new, but whose new-found confidence and humility in her new leadership role is a breath of fresh air to the homegroup! Sarah met us as a quiet freshman at last year's Spring Rally, and has since grown so much in her heart for other students and her understanding of the Bible. Most weeks, she brings along a new friend from one of her classes, and invites them to coffee or lunch on her free time. Yay for new leaders who are faithful!

In addition to old members stepping into leadership roles, we have had about eleven new students check out our homegroup since January. While not all will stick, we are praying that many will, and that we will be able to share our lives and the love of Jesus with them.

In other homegroup news, the first girl sleepover of 2013 was a smashing success! Hubby went elsewhere for the night while we stuffed ourselves with salad, homemade enchiladas and ripe strawberries, and then danced ourselves silly to the wii game, "Just Dance". Oh, and we painted toenails. Duh.

Another incredible time happened last weekend at the women's retreat...but that weekend deserves its own post...HERE.

God-Glasses

Did you know that James has often been called the "Proverbs of the New Testament"? Neither did I, until last week.

Perhaps it is because James is intensely practical, much like Proverbs. While the Apostle Paul spends a great deal of time expounding on doctrine and the mystery of our union with Christ, James cuts right to the heart of our complacency in short, concise phrases. "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says."

I find it humorously ironic that in one of my homegroups, the topic is James; in the other, it's Proverbs. Hmm...a theme? 

As we plopped elbow-close on the floor, discussing and laughing, my friend said something about wisdom that startled me into new understanding.

“Wisdom” she said, “is seeing things the way God does.” “Like God-glasses?” someone asked. We all laughed, but the picture fit. *

We are born with faulty vision; distorted, warped. In our eyes, evil can look like good, people are devalued, and our own self-importance can inflate like an over-filled tire. We need some corrective lenses.

If wisdom is about accurate sight, then it can’t be merely a collection of facts and tips about how to behave, like a cheat sheet to whip out of your pocket when you don’t know what to do. I like systems that make sense, which can be codified like math. But God’s wisdom can’t be reduced to a code of conduct, though some have tried. If I use a cheat sheet enough, I might develop street smarts, but never true wisdom.  God says that “as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9)

OK, but how do I get his way of seeing things into my own head? I was wondering because I, like James, can be intensely practical.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Psalm 111:10)The words suddenly scrolled like a newsflash across my memory.

 Someone once explained to me that if we see God accurately for Who he is—majestic, resplendent in untrammeled power, fiercely beautiful, Judge of hidden secrets—this true sight will produce in us the healthy respect and awe he deserves. To know him is to see him. 

Knowing produces accurate sight.
Sight produces accurate fear.
Fear is the beginning of wisdom.

When I set heart toward Him, resolving to spend time with Him, honor Him, know Him, my vision will clear toward Him first. I will see Him as He is, and the clarity will travel outward, like ripples on a lake.

Yep, it goes against every insta-fix instinct. Every urge to reach for a cheat sheet. Wisdom, like the relationship with wisdom's Source, takes time to foster. But it will be worth every moment.

*My friend got her definition of wisdom from a class taught by our Pastor, R.M. #tryingtocitesourcesbetter :)
  

Double Dipping

This fall, JC and I are taking a scandalous, groundbreaking step. We feel like rebels, cheating the system. It's so revolutionary that it just might start a trend. It's the thing your mom always frowned upon when she made chips and salsa or put out the ranch dip for veggies.

Yes--we are double dipping. But not in the salsa.

Instead of attending only the student homegroup, this semester we are also joining the homegroup for young, graduated adults. Appropriately named Segue ("SEG-way") because of the transitional stage of life in which most of the members find themselves, this homegroup has a mix of grad students, recent grads who are working locally, and even a few married couples.

But we've always loved Avalanche, our student homegroup. Everyone in it, from freshmen to super-seniors is a precious friend. We love the worship, the discussion, and the goofy, fun times. Why double dip?

One reason is that, at age 31 and 25, we are feeling the age gap a teensy bit. I've read that the stage between age 18 and age 24 is formative, which means that it is chock-full of change and transition. When I got to college I was single, almost always broke, still very connected to my family, and my greatest sources of stress were homework (ohhhh the homework!) and paying for gas. Now, half a decade later, I am married, have a full time job, and my evenings are filled with people, not papers. It's just different.

Also, as I've mentioned in earlier posts, saying goodbye each year to friends as they graduate has been difficult for me.  Many wise people in my life have counseled me to form friendships with people who are planning to stick around for a while.

The final reason is the most powerful for me. We want to follow the same model of discipleship that Paul gave his young friend, Timothy in the time of the early church. It is a model of balance. We need to surround ourselves not only with young believers, but also with peers and mentors so that we continue to be challenged and encouraged toward maturity. If we stagnate, it will end up being a bad thing not only for us, but for the younger believers who see us as leaders.

I'm learning that I am responsible for my spiritual health. Sometimes this means I must be proactive, even slightly aggressive in the changes I am willing to make.

If you, like me, have been feeling out of balance lately, ask Jesus and some wise friends. Maybe double dipping is a good idea for you too. 

Goodbye, Suite 140

A friend asked me the other night how I've been doing lately.
"In a nutshell?" I hesitated, looking for the right word. "It's a season of transition."

I'm pretty sure she couldn't guess just how much transition was packed behind that little sentence.

I know I already blogged today about last week's planning retreat, but today is a red-letter day! Today I said goodbye to a job that has been a constant in my life for the past two and a half years, and I'm feeling the need to commemorate the closing of such a significant chapter.

I admired L.E.'s sassy, purple-hued bangs next to me as I explained things from my seat at her side, and realized, with a nostalgic twinge, that this was the last time. I held another co-worker's baby, and thought "well, this won't happen very often at the new job." I snagged a hug from Neva as she walked by on the way to the copier, and took a moment to savor the closeness we've built over the past few years.

This is the job I took as a green, insecure 22-year old whose only experience with Excel was in her high school computer class five years earlier. At that ancient gray steel desk I learned how a corporate budget operates and developed the perseverance necessary to not give up when that same budget simply WOULD NOT make sense. I've learned the quirks of all four pastors, and the soda preferences of every one of the staff. I've learned that prayer really does help computers/printers/copiers function when all hope is lost. I've learned never to take an administrator for granted; without them, nothing can function! And I've learned that there is grace for the mistakes I will inevitably make.

All day long, I was feeling thankful for the experience of working alongside people who really follow Jesus, not just with their words but in the way they walk down the hall and interact with people. So many of them came by the desk just to say "congrats!" and give a hug.

And then they threw me a little goodbye party! I felt so loved.

Goodbye, church office. It has truly been wonderful. 

Please be praying for L.E. as she takes over a challenging position, and for me as I dive into this new season. New job, here I come!

Staff Retreating

Q: What were 90 of our church leaders doing at a dusty retreat center last week?
A: The annual Staff Retreat!

Let me give fair warning: the word "retreat" is misleading. While we do go to a camp location outside of town with bunkhouses and a dining hall, it's more accurately thought of as a boot camp--a boot camp of meetings. Along with our pastors and full-time staff, about seventy student leaders show up to pray, seriously evaluate their personal lives and their small groups, and make concrete plans that will direct them in the coming year.

My first retreat was in the fall of 2009. I was a rookie leader, scared to death by the intensity of holding my life under the microscope, but amazed that over seventy people would take leadership so seriously.

Like most Americans, I had spent half an hour every year--maybe--on those doomed goals that everyone makes the night before the January 1st. But really, aren't those more like wishes? I resolve (hope/wish) to lose ten pounds. I resolve (hope/wish) to be more patient. But here I was, spending an entire week making goals that actually seemed...attainable. Wow, what a concept.

Now, 3 retreats later, I find that the time spent in planning on this retreat is one of the most valuable things I do all year. Ok, ok, it could always be MORE valuable (for instance, if I actually reviewed those goals on a regular basis), but at least the process of taking a good hard look at my habits, attitudes, and goals doesn't crush me into a pile of weepy tissues like it did in '09.

Last week, seeing my flaws was not painful, but honest. I'm not a failure; I'm a forgiven work in progress. And now I feel encouraged, inspired to approach the challenging fall ahead with some fresh perspective.

I know that the goals I made are still too ambitious for me to do on my lonesome. But that realization is healthy because it leads me to the One who never gets tired, burnt out, or discouraged.

Beautiful beginnings

I really don’t know how to condense my happiness for my friends into words! I’m sitting in a coffee shop, surrounded by people, and I can’t stop smiling. If they look up from their iphones long enough to see, they will probably wonder why.

The reason is because three of my friends experienced significant, beautiful, life-altering beginnings this weekend.

One of these earth-shattering changes occurred at my kitchen table.  

Four of us were sitting, eating pancakes, maple syrup and fresh strawberries as we discussed God. What if He asked you, “why should I let you into Heaven?” What would you say to Him, I asked, if you were standing in front of him?

As we talked, I illustrated on a rectangle of paper between us. The themes of holiness, lawbreaking, and an uncrossable divide were discussed and scrawled, and I saw understanding light up her face.

I told her a piece of my story. About the perfectionism that ruled me, guilted me, and tortured me with feelings of inadequacy as a little girl. About how I simultaneously thought I was better than others, full of pride, unwilling to listen to corrections. And then—amazing! How I learned that Jesus was perfect when I was not. How I learned that he—the perfect one—had been humble, paying the death penalty I owed.

In full.

And there, at the kitchen table, my friend gave her life to Jesus because He had given himself for her. I don’t even know if she realized the HUGENESS of what had happened in her at that moment! It was as earth-shattering as if King Tut’s mummy had suddenly come back to life.

The second beautiful change occurred the next day, my two friends standing hand in hand in the colored light filtering in through the stained glass of the church.

Her father officiated, and I heard his voice tremble with unreleased tears. We all sat as witnesses, alternately laughing at the groom’s hilarious facial expressions and crying at the purity of the moment, the beauty of the bride.

One change occurred at my kitchen table; the other under the vaulted roof of a church.

All three friends made life-altering verbal commitments: the first to God, and the second to each other. Both resulted in something completely new, something beautiful, something that had never existed before. 

And I am so excited for all of them! :)